Sunday Syndrome, the worry of Monday.

Thank you for your kind messages, the feeling physically sick in the mornings is the worst part. Autistic people tend to be very intelligent and logical people, I can’t work out why anxiety is so prevalent in many of us. 
I had a massive meltdown about a year ago and had a headache afterwards for days, I thought I had actually damaged my brain. Since then I have been constantly tired and have no interest in anything. To be honest working 4 days a week is as much as I can cope with. I have loved working on classic cars since I was a child, I look at them at work and have no interest. Some days I stop talking completely and don’t eat.

I spoke to my mother a few weeks ago, through my childhood she tried to commit suicide on many occasions. She said for the first time that she didn’t want to die, she just wanted it all to stop. Don’t worry I’m not going to kill myself but I can now understand where she is coming from if that makes sense.

Roy do you think you might be experiencing burnout? Some of the things you say chime with me in a period a few years ago that I now recognise as burnout and am probably still recovering from.

I think your right, when I had my big meltdown it was about 2 months after realising that I’m autistic. My brain had gone into overdrive trying to process 50 + years of  thinking that I was the only person who functions like me, I still find it really strange that there are so many people like me.

I should have gone with my wife today to one of the Canary Islands, she has had to go with my mother. I went to the same hotel in February and it was a struggle. It is an all inclusive hotel, I had a meltdown in the restaurant and felt like a fool afterwards. I walked in and there was a strong smell of garlic, people were talking and plates clattering, I couldn’t find a food that I could eat or tolerate. It was all of a sudden as if the walls were closing  in on me. It’s as if in the last year I’ve become more autistic, I know that’s not a correct thing to say. It’s like my brain is not willing to hide anymore. I’m sure I will get a handle on it all, it’s just been a lot to process.

I think your right, when I had my big meltdown it was about 2 months after realising that I’m autistic. My brain had gone into overdrive trying to process 50 + years of  thinking that I was the only person who functions like me, I still find it really strange that there are so many people like me.

I should have gone with my wife today to one of the Canary Islands, she has had to go with my mother. I went to the same hotel in February and it was a struggle. It is an all inclusive hotel, I had a meltdown in the restaurant and felt like a fool afterwards. I walked in and there was a strong smell of garlic, people were talking and plates clattering, I couldn’t find a food that I could eat or tolerate. It was all of a sudden as if the walls were closing  in on me. It’s as if in the last year I’ve become more autistic, I know that’s not a correct thing to say. It’s like my brain is not willing to hide anymore. I’m sure I will get a handle on it all, it’s just been a lot to process.

Thanks Number. Haha, in the world of bicycles it's more that I have an extra wheel!

AuTriker......NOT missing ANY wheels in my opinion. x

Hi, I get on really well with Soundcore Q30 earphones, they are over ear and have really good write ups. As Triker has  said, it’s easy to over research. They are £55 from Amazon, I find the quality very good. I don’t have the budget for Sony or Bose, I wore them on a flight and sat near to an engine. I was very surprised with how good they were.

Autonomistic said:

However I've researched so many that I've got information overload and even more confused about which ones to buy

I so relate to this! Sorry, no help on the headphones, but it is annoying how often this happens and then I end up not buying the thing at all!

I'm hoping to get some better noise cancelling headphones in the upcoming Black Friday sales. However I've researched so many that I've got information overload and even more confused about which ones to buy 

Would you recommend the ones you have?

Hi, I’m finding noise hard to tolerate. My wife is quite a noisy person in the mornings. The kitchen radio will be on and the tv. She likes to whistle as well. I just want to scream sometimes and throw the radio out the door. I can’t process all the different noises. It’s the same in our village pub, as it gets busier up to Christmas, larger  groups start talking over each other and get louder and louder. I can hear all their conversations all at once Scented candles are put on the bar which are overwhelming.   I don’t really cope well with Christmas.

In the mornings I pop my noise cancelling ear phones on and listen to an audiobook. Today has been nice, just me, the dog and quiet. I’m still trying to make sense of childhood memories. I think we had to bury them so we could put more energy into creating and maintaining the person that everyone else  expected us to be.  School is still something that I’m working on, PrImary school was okay, everything after that was just violent. I have stopped masking a lot at home now, I’m less willing to accept situations that aren’t suitable for me.

I'm sorry to hear you missed out on your planned holiday. I had a holiday booked earlier in the year. As it got closer to departure date I was becoming more and more convinced that I wouldn't be able to to cope with the people and noise. In the end it was cancelled for reasons out of my control.

I know what you mean about seeming to become more autistic. I feel like that as I get older and I'm sure my noise sensitivity is getting worse. It could of course be a symptom of autistic burnout or just a side effect of unmasking.  A quiet time at home might do a lot more good than an overwhelming noisy hotel.

Do you think it might have something to do with resurfaced memories of the noisy school canteen? I know that during my autism assessment and subsequently I dredged up a lot of old memories that had been well buried for many years.

I understand the feeling of a fool, as an adult,  there's sometimes a sense of "I should be able to cope with this...everyone else does". The thing that I find helps now in any situation is giving oneself time to acclimatise. I did it today....it took ages but once I had settled I was ok. I don't think it's that we become more autistic, it's just after masking for so long, unawares, now we are aware of when things happen or what sets us off and we can put a name to things . I think the positive thing to come out of it is that we can now give ourselves some grace. For me and it seems similar for you, now it's like we just have less bandwidth because we finally cracked and like you say our brains cannot hide anymore. This isn't a bad thing because maybe now we are being a bit more authentic.