Sunday Syndrome, the worry of Monday.

Thank you for your kind messages, the feeling physically sick in the mornings is the worst part. Autistic people tend to be very intelligent and logical people, I can’t work out why anxiety is so prevalent in many of us. 
I had a massive meltdown about a year ago and had a headache afterwards for days, I thought I had actually damaged my brain. Since then I have been constantly tired and have no interest in anything. To be honest working 4 days a week is as much as I can cope with. I have loved working on classic cars since I was a child, I look at them at work and have no interest. Some days I stop talking completely and don’t eat.

I spoke to my mother a few weeks ago, through my childhood she tried to commit suicide on many occasions. She said for the first time that she didn’t want to die, she just wanted it all to stop. Don’t worry I’m not going to kill myself but I can now understand where she is coming from if that makes sense.

Your final paragraph about what your mother told you makes perfect sense to me, and I'm sure it will to others too... The feeling of just wanting it all to stop.

Your final paragraph about what your mother told you makes perfect sense to me, and I'm sure it will to others too... The feeling of just wanting it all to stop.

I'm not making any promises, but I'll try to be more active on the forums.

Please be LESS sporadic, if you fancy?!

Yes the whole "I don't have much to stress sbout" is certainly the case too. I find meditation helps slow things down a bit and gives just a little bit of space in thr head. But it needs to be done regularly 

I remember a movie, I think it was called Click, where the main character had this magic remote control for his life. He kept hitting fast forward, which I found strange, so not what I would do. Some bits maybe rewind. But I think the main thing I would hit would be pause!

I found the first lockdown to be a bit like pause and it was nice. But now I don't know how to unpause some things! I seem to have shut down down some areas of my life and cannot get unblocked. Not all, but I do have a concern that I could shut those down too!

Sounds like a lot of us are like this. I don't even have loads of stressful stuff to pause. Maybe the anxiety is partly brain chemistry. Of course it is worse when there is actually something to dread though!

Although my dad wasn't autistic, he experienced something similar to what you're experiencing before he retired. In his case, it was because he was in a job that he hated. He'd had enough and would feel sick at the prospect of going to work. During the 12 months leading up to his retirement, I can remember him ticking the days off on his calendar.

It's also wanting to just give your brain a rest too.

It’s wanting to get off the merry go round but it won’t stop.