I am getting to the point now where I am outliving my support workers, and would like to be more independent. But at the same time I am very afraid about what the future might bring, because I only have a few friends (all with Aspergers, and no best friends), and I still have many issues that I need support with. I also fear change.
My goal in life is to get off benefits and have a full time, secure job. But the trap I am in is that I am prevented from doing many jobs due to the way my brain works. If I did not have OCD and panic, I would happily take a cleaning job or other repetitive job - I have a strong work ethic and love routine and structure; as long as I am told what needs to be done and when it needs to be done by!.
I currently have a part time job, only 7 hours a week on permitted ESA work, and I do a lot of volunteering, too. I envy 'normal' people who have proper jobs, like my brother. He also has a girlfriend, and although he still lives at home with my parents, he is more independent than I am, and I have my own flat!.
I have set myself a goal: work at my current job for another year, work on my anxieties, and then apply for other jobs. I hate being disabled because it stops me from working, and I love to work!. I also love my independence, but I am not independent.
I don't mind having Aspergers, and I like parts of myself that are probably connected to the Aspergers anyway, like my high level of motivation, willingness to work hard etc. But the negatives sadly negate the positives.
I crave 'normality': a full time job, no support, an independent income, and freedom from fear.
