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Difficulty at work

Thom George

, I’m a 35 year old autistic male. I work full time state govt job in the states, but my job is giving me problems where I might get fired. It all started from my former supervisor who did not understand my autism issues, mostly inappropriate social skills (like this one group of coworkers would joke around and when I tried to join in, i would get carried away and my former supervisor singled me out). Another time I had this coworker set me up by pretending to be my friend and encouraged me to talk inappropriate to him, then he turned around and reported me, completely stabbing me in the back

Also last year, when the Covid mask mandates went in effect, I had a problem. See I am not able to tolerate masks because of tactile issues related to my autism. But I handled it wrong by getting angry and having a meltdown over the mask mandate in which I yelled “f*** covid”, “I don’t care if anyone died from Covid” and I planned to wear a shirt that reads “f*** Covid”. That incident got reported to HR and I was brought up on disciplinary charges in which I was given a job reassignment as a settlement 

anyways I’m working my new office job now with no problems except Ihave difficultly with the email correspondence part of my job because of my poor social skills. I feel my new supervisor is nicer than my old supervisor but doesn’t understand I struggle. I have to answer emails to the general public in which my grammar structure and knowing what to say is poor. But other than that no issues until...

I get called into HR again, this time over inappropriate Facebook posts I made. I mean it’s my personal life so my job shouldn’t be trying to discipline me on it. The HR lady is very nasty and interrogates me yelling in my face (like a prosecutor yelling at a witness on a crime drama show) demanding I answer her, my autism sensory overload is taking effect. I begin crying telling her to leave me alone and stop, she won’t. I then lose my cool and give the HR lady the finger and tell her “F*** you” and proceed to use the f word three times. I could tell she was glad I did that as that would result in more discipline against me.

Now three weeks later, today, I have to go back to HR and this time to discuss a 3 months suspension no pay. Last year when I got in trouble for my mask mandate anger outburst and got reassigned, I was also put on a 3 year abeyance period meaning anymore similar incidents during the abeyance, I get a 3 month suspension. My profanity at the HR lady violated my abeyance. I’m going to try to use my autism sensory overload as defense but probably to little avail 

And on top of that, HR still open investigation on the second incident, the Facebook posts and my profanity to bring me on new charges in which I fear they will fire me

Any tips on what I can do? I since deleted my Facebook account not knowing my job could use my posts against me. I just want to keep my job and go to work like anyone else 

need help 

  • Hi. I was very struck by your post, and I'm sorry you have such a stressful situation.

    I'd pretty much second what Glitter said, especially about help and support beforehand.

    If it were me (I'm in the UK), I might be looking to what my trade union could do. Of course, local reps are going to be pretty variable, and you'd need to be sure of their trustworthyness and competence in the issues. I've never had to go that far.

    A while ago, before I was diagnosed, there was an issue where what was basically my anxiety was interpreted as hostility - all news to me. Wow.

    Again, if it were me, I'd try to see all the issues from both sides, and in a meeting aim to demonstrate a constructive attitude that would show a way forward to a happy workplace for all. Don't go unprepared into an emotive meeting. Try not to catastrophize! Reactivity won't help anyone. And, forgive me, but might an apology be in order? If done sincerely,  at the appropriate time, it's hard but can be disarming. Just a thought.

    Listen, these are just my thoughts based on your post. Feel free to tell me how wrong I am! Work is important and helpful isn't it.

    All the Best!

  • Legally things work differently here in the UK, so I'm not sure what advice to give. 

    It also depends on the nature of what you posted on Facebook. For her to speak to you like that is unprofessional, but presumably it was something that provoked such an angry response.

    But I think it's better to sort out the kind of intervention and support you need when you're feeling calm, because once you're at the point of swearing at colleagues or superiors, you are in trouble.