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Monotropism, conversation and unfamiliar people

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I was in work last week at a meeting and spoke small talk with a colleague who I don't usually speak to. We work in different offices. It was just a 5 min chat. It was going round and round my head all Friday and still a bit over the weekend. I had a brief chat with someone in a shop yesterday and that was going round and round in my bonce all yesterday as well. I've always wondered why I go over conversations so much. I know many non autistic people do but I've always found its inherently different for AS people or at least myself.

Now I think I know why. Aside from the fact that I need things to be *right* (did the conversation go "correctly" etc....) but the thought loops don't happen the same with people I know well. I think it's to do with there being so much unfamiliarity and variables when it's with someone you don't know. This was backed up by the fact when talking with this colleague I was sitting with a group of colleagues who I usually talk with individually. We are almost never in a group. The one person I can count on who is also one of my best friends....(I think they could be autistic but i dont know...) I noticed they were a bit different when in the group. I'm sure we all are. But it's like the more people, the more variables there are. I wonder if this links back to the monotropic brain.

  • in reply to Luftmentsch

    I feel like a lot of the time, more so as I'm getting older, I'm not that bothered what people think of me but the loops still happen. I do have some social anxiety but I think it's down to not feeling like I fully understand interactions and being able to read things in the moment and the uncertsinty caused because of this. It's like a double bind. We need certainty and to understand and know we have been understood but most often don't always get this from interactions because of the double empathy problem. I think the notion of different ways of communication between AS / NT makes me ruminate as there's elements of working stuff out. I'm quite a confident person and like chatting with others even strangers.

  • I do this a lot too, but I always assumed it was connected with my social anxiety more than autism per se.