Hi,
So basically I’ve got about 3 autistic and ADHD friends who have each independently come up to me and told me that they’d be extremely shocked if I wasn’t autistic or had ADHD. I have always been considered abnormal and quirky and despite being good in social situations I’ve never felt like I fit in. I was born AFAB but I identify as non-binary. Recently (within the last two years) I’ve noticed that I really struggle with eye contact and that I overthink it and don’t know when to blink or how long to make contact for before it’s creepy and then I lose track of my train of thought or don’t hear what they’re saying and it’s frustrating. At school I found it very hard to concentrate and it was always an unhappy environment for me as I just didn’t feel that it fit the way that I worked and despite being top of the class in some lessons I quite often struggled to understand the way that questions were worded and so I regularly failed the exams despite revising. I’ve found that working is much better for me especially since I work in a very creative place where I can be in control of the slight mayhem which keeps my mind occupied but not overwhelmed. I’ve never really struggled with sensory issues but sometimes when I put my noise cancelling headphones on in busy situations (such as public transport) I feel myself visibly relax and feel much less exhausted, almost like a reset button. I’ve researched autism a lot and some of it really resonates with me and other bits don’t. I have suffered from OCD since I was 7 years old so I’m at least partly neurodivergent. I am a stickler for routine but I've managed to adapt it so that I can take certain routines with me anywhere which helps but having a schedule to stick to is what really makes me happy. I am also awful at sticking to my own schedules and regularly brake them due to executive dysfunction but routines I stick to, like a certain way that I must walk home even if another route is quicker. It also pains me if someone uses grammar incorrectly and I have to correct them which can off as blunt and rude but that’s not what I mean. As a child I was teased by my entire class for supposedly staring at people when I was zoning out, I also have been told on many occasions that I have completely missed social cues such as someone flirting with me or even me unknowingly flirting with someone else. Some changes to my routines or plans are fine and others cause a lot of stress for me over seemingly small things such as my phone charger being misplaced. There are certain things that I have to have a certain way or it makes me mightily uncomfortable like when things don’t line up with the boxes they are placed in. When walking upstairs I can only do so on tiptoe and in general day to day life I walk very quickly whilst also doing repetitive movements in time to the music that I’m always listening to when I can (not whilst at work etc.) I have always loved music and would love to be a musician. I have suffered from a phobia since the age of 7 which is linked to the OCD. I suffer from a lot of anxiety in my day to day life. My main question is basically given all this information do you think it’s likely that I am autistic? Should I seek out a diagnosis?