Bit of background - I have had many various jobs in various roles over the last 15 years. Can never cope in any role for long. Finally managed to find a work from home job which I thought would suit me.
However, I am struggling again!
As part of my role I have to answer the phone (a type of helpline) but I have got to the point where I dread the phone ringing, it makes me anxious and sick.
My manager doesn't always explain things thoroughly (or at least in my view she doesn't) which leads to me making mistakes, which I find very hard to handle. I have mentioned this to her, she knows I am autistic, but she immediately went on the defensive and now I don't feel able to bring anything up with her.
There are rules that haven't been explained to me and so when I have followed logic in a situation and then been told it was wrong and should have been done another way I find that hard to handle too. How am I supposed to know if I've not been told?
I now feel like I don't care about my work anymore, am doing the bare minimum and struggling even with that. I just don't want to be doing it. I wonder with each new job I have whether it is the novelty of something new that keeps me keen & focussed initially?! Now it has worn off it is almost painful to keep pushing myself.
I have to work to pay my mortgage and help support my family but know I am heading for burnout forcing myself to mask and pretend that all is ok everyday when actually I am constantly feeling dread, confusion and no interest in anything anymore. It feels like a physical ache or a pain to do this day in day out, not sure if anyone can understand that.
I just don't know what I can do. My options seem to be keep going although I hate it, or find another job and start the process again for the goodness knows how many time!
