Hi,
My husband has occasionally said that he thinks he is Autistic. It's not obvious that he is, but he does exhibit some unusual behaviours. Our relationship of 20 years has been difficult at times and I am still looking for answers as to why he behaves the way he does. He has also mentioned PTSD and depression but he has not ever been diagnosed because he does not like going to doctors anyway and avoids most contact with people. So I thought I'd list some of his behaviours to see what you think:
1) We met after talking online and on the phone - he was a very good communicator online. When we met I did notice some odd behaviours, as if he were a little uninhibited in public, but nothing extreme
2) He has extreme anxiety in work meetings which he said would trigger fight or flight response. I have never witnessed this, but he has recounted quite uninhibited behaviours
3) He used to go to a yearly conference and was required to wear a costume for one night - I remember that he would spend an inordinate amount of time making sure it was just perfect and complaining about the need to do this. He would also complain about having to be in the car with his colleagues to get to the conference
4) At work he had a managerial role and would sometimes have to remove himself from a situation with an unreasonable customer as he felt himself losing control
5) He stopped working as dealing with the public was causing him too much stress. He has anxiety linked to interviews so maybe that is the reason why he has not found a job in 4 years, despite telling me that he has applied. He says that he has never found something suitable where they have called him for an interview. I don't mind this as I work long hours and he cooks and runs the house.
6) At home, he sleeps in his own bedroom and he keeps the door closed. He has made it clear that when he is in his room, I am not to knock or call him. I use WhatsApp if I need to communicate and her responds then.
7) He does not have any friends or social life. He has had friends in the past, but has not kept in touch. I have a couple of friends I see only occasionally and it has taken 20 years for him to feel comfortable around them. If I have new friends or family who come round, he stays in his room.
8) He has periods when he is extremely intolerant of myself and others. When that happens, I feel like I am walking on eggshells. He is verbally abusive and emotionally distant. He can retire to his room for a week at a time without talking to me at all. In the past it was longer than a week.
9) The arguments we have are about nothing. He will criticise me for the slightest thing: last weekend he criticised me for taking 10 seconds before I realised that 1 of 8 self-service cash till was free. When this kind of thing happens he is very harsh and will be verbally abusive.
10) He thinks women are the cause of most evil in the world. He has had many arguments with me when he said 'you lot' and a load of abuse. He chooses what we watch for entertainment because he is so triggered that it can ruin an evening if he sees something that he doesn't like. It happens when he chooses the programme, so I daren't suggest something myself just in case.
11) He struggles in enclosed spaces like restaurants or similar. He always has to sit on the outer edge so he can have a quick escape route.
12) I once booked a surprise weekend away in Amsterdam for New Year's Eve, flight and hotel, for one night, having first checked with him that it was ok. The night before, he told me he wasn't coming. I went on my own. We bought a new car. The night before, he told me that he didn't think I could drive it (he doesn't drive), so I had to go on my own to buy it. A year later, I booked it again and he came with me and all was fine - although he did try to cancel that the night before too, but I woke him up in the morning and he came with me.
