Hi there, I’ve wondered for a couple of years now whether my dad might be autistic. He’s now in his late 60s and I have no idea if and how to approach this with him. I guess I’ll just detail my reasons and then if anyone had any advice / thoughts I’d love to hear them.
During my childhood he was on the whole a good dad, but I can’t recall having much emotional connection with him. He also had lots of issues with his relationship with my older sibling. A lot of his fond memories of us growing up are transactional - Xmas presents, money he spent on us, us wanting for nothing, etc. He had terrible moods and often as a child and teen I could sense his moods and became very much the ‘mediator’ of situations at home and often felt like we walked on eggshells around him. He could also be good fun and had friends who enjoyed his company. However, he did fall out with friends and/or lose touch. My parents always seemed to have had small groups of friends and never long lasting friendships (unless you count ones where they recently reunit after 40 odd years with no contact).
He held down a senior position at work where he managed big teams and was seemingly good at his job and well liked by his team. He got made redundant a few years before retirement and I feel that his personality was affected and he became even more moody and it’s like his self-worth was so linked to his job. He still talks about his job, role and level often - which is odd as it’s not something that we care about or measure his worth by.
I remember when I was young we had a few jokey nicknames for him which he enjoyed around how grumpy he could get, how repetitive he could be and how annoying, how ‘OCD’ he was (his parent apparently was suspected of having it too). This sounds mean, but these names brought light to tense times and sometimes softened him.
I’m rambling! Basically, he’s always been a bit more challenging than, say my friends dads, but since he lost his job I’ve found him so much harder to interact with. To list a few things - he talks at length about subjects which no one but him is interested in (very specific stuff) and it’s not a conversation, he’s more talking at you and doesn’t seem to notice if you are enjoying what he’s saying or losing interest. When he’s not talking at you, he’s completed unengaged and often on his phone, distracted by something on the wall, then interrupts conversations with something entirely unrelated. He talks over people, it’s like he doesn’t listen to what you’ve said and that he’s just waiting for you to stop talking so he can stop. If he comes to visit or we visit him we have this ‘oh no it’s day 2’ joke where he is fairly fine on the 1st day but when it’s the 2nd day, he is 9 times out of 10 in such a mood from the minute he gets up, that there is a cloud over the day and he’s incredibly difficult to engage with and you feel like he’s in a funky mood. It’s like he can’t cope with us being around him for long, but rather he like the idea of it.
I’ll stop there - sorry practically a novel! Has anyone had a similar experience? Have you approached a parent about possibly getting a diagnosis? Is it too late? I’d love to hear from anyone who is interested in sharing their thoughts.
Thank you.
