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Getting a lot of anguish from being lonely and extremely introverted

Jakey

This topic will get slightly not safe for work.

A couple months ago I was constantly breaking. Like freezing in shock from horrific thoughts that felt like experiences. I'm vegan for the animals, and I kept thinking about their situation. I had to ask for some advice from other vegans because this is a unique situation for me. They suggested self-care, so I did. 

Only, that came with drawbacks. Now I've developed a new personality where I want to be social, but I am experiencing constant depression and anxiety. I think it's linked to my loneliness and being a virgin, which I didn't realize until I began socializing online.

I went to a local support group today, 2nd ever time being outside to meet people, and I felt awkward non-stop. I'm so quiet that nobody really noticed me or cared to talk. I didn't feel awkward about having autism, I felt awkward about being so quiet and introverted that nobody wanted to talk to me. Which in turn made me feel really depressed by the end. I suffer with many issues outside of this just so you're aware. I'm really stressed out and feel useless and suicidal. So much going on in my life. 

I don't know where I belong or if I belong anywhere. I sliced up my arms a few days ago when some of the people online who I knew for months who I thought were friends, started saying I was manipulating people and acting like a victim to gain their sympathy. And I was told I was disliked and a waste of space. I don't feel welcome anywhere it seems. 

I'm still a virgin too. have struggled with dating because, nobody ever talks to me online, and I can't meet anyone in real life because anyone around my age seemingly doesn't exist. I'm lucky to be pansexual but not lucky to be male. 

I don't know what to do. Being a virgin and never experiencing physical contact, let alone love, is really taking it's toll on me. I've been in two relationships in school, and one long distance way after that. I don't know what to do. Where to go. Do I just end this agony? 

Also the NHS won't help me with my mental health problems. They've dismissed me. Called me competent. Don't know what's going on. It's sometimes too much to process. Even meeting at places feels complicated to me. I constantly need help too. Please just fucking kill me. That's the only true way anyone can help me at this point. 

Parents

  • Hello , I’m sorry you are going through such a tough time, it’s good that you’ve let us know what’s happening and how you feel. Many people have similar thoughts when coping with so much and we hope you’re okay.  

    If you are unable to cope with the distress or despair, it’s very important to tell someone about your feelings or thoughts of suicide. Call your GP and make an urgent appointment. Your GP can make sure you get appropriate help and support. 

    If it’s outside your GP hours call  111 to reach the NHS 111 service: https://www.nhs.uk/nhs-services/urgent-and-emergency-care-services/when-to-use-111/. 

    The Samaritans also provide confidential non-judgemental emotional support, 24 hours a day on 116 123, or by email on jo@samaritans.org. 

    MIND have information pages on coping with self harm or suicidal feelings based on the experiences of people who’ve been through it that you may find helpful.  

    If you are very close to doing something to hurt yourself - call 999 now or go to your nearest A&E department. There should be someone there to support you and make sure you get ongoing support. 

    You can find more information here: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/mental-health/suicide. 

    I hope these help.

    With best wishes,

    Anna Mod

  • in reply to Anna Mod

    All things I've done. Plus suicide prevention loses meaning when you generalize each case with a script, and don't bother to offer potential treatments or solutions. 

  • in reply to Jakey

    NAS79388, I'm not sure you will be easy to help, in the conventional sense, as your reply to Anna Mod would indicate. It's exactly what a younger version of me would write...

    But I can help you to help yourself with that sharp mind you have there. 

    Here's the real deal with suicide, as far as logic and modern science allows us to go. It's the result of fifty years of studying occult (that means "hidden" things, not just "spooky" things) 

    Here's what you know already about suicide. (just so we are on the same page)  

    Suicide is a one way trip to an unknown destination. Death.

    Here's what we think we know about death. 

    It's an either / or thing.

    EITHER You stop dead. feel nothing. know nothing. For the dead it is a permanent end. 

    Which on some days, I have found to be a very attractive prospect indeed.  And IF I'd been able to be sure, at some ponts in the past, you would not be reading this now... (wow, that feels quite weird to write)  

    However: (cue the dark music) 

    Quantum physics and maths ad all that clever stuff, says that there are twelve dimensions required to describe all of reality, and they seem pretty sure of themselves. We only can directly apprehend 4 of these.

    Are you keeping up? right there the science shows you eight dimensions of reality that we know nothing about, cannot know anything about, apparently, but are neccessary for our reality to exist. 

    See my avatar? That's what that's all about!

    I believe yours and my consciousness may well exist in those hidden dimensions and death might merely be the losing of access to these four dimensions that we all know and love. (I suspect that we access those dimensions when we dream which is why it's so hard to bring back profound dreamtime experiences, but that's just me being silly, perhaps)

    My point, and it is a powerful one, a bright person like yourself cannot fail to agree is that it is perhaps unwise to lose access to this life and transit to the next dimension as a "fugitive".

    You ARE going there eventually, anyway, why rush?  

    Why not put in a few good years of wrestling this life into some semblance of what you want, and go out, when you have to, having happily conquered this life? 

    Suicide, is not a guaranteed end, I am sorry to say, and if your life has been relentlessly crap (like mine was when I first came to this understanding) then what to say the afterlife (which we now cannot DEFINITELY rule out!) won't be even worse!! 

    I will stop here for now, and ask, does that reasoning make sense?

    Do you agree with my conclusion, that perhaps you need to find a better exit strategy from the "misery" than suicide might offer?  

      

Reply
  • in reply to Jakey

    NAS79388, I'm not sure you will be easy to help, in the conventional sense, as your reply to Anna Mod would indicate. It's exactly what a younger version of me would write...

    But I can help you to help yourself with that sharp mind you have there. 

    Here's the real deal with suicide, as far as logic and modern science allows us to go. It's the result of fifty years of studying occult (that means "hidden" things, not just "spooky" things) 

    Here's what you know already about suicide. (just so we are on the same page)  

    Suicide is a one way trip to an unknown destination. Death.

    Here's what we think we know about death. 

    It's an either / or thing.

    EITHER You stop dead. feel nothing. know nothing. For the dead it is a permanent end. 

    Which on some days, I have found to be a very attractive prospect indeed.  And IF I'd been able to be sure, at some ponts in the past, you would not be reading this now... (wow, that feels quite weird to write)  

    However: (cue the dark music) 

    Quantum physics and maths ad all that clever stuff, says that there are twelve dimensions required to describe all of reality, and they seem pretty sure of themselves. We only can directly apprehend 4 of these.

    Are you keeping up? right there the science shows you eight dimensions of reality that we know nothing about, cannot know anything about, apparently, but are neccessary for our reality to exist. 

    See my avatar? That's what that's all about!

    I believe yours and my consciousness may well exist in those hidden dimensions and death might merely be the losing of access to these four dimensions that we all know and love. (I suspect that we access those dimensions when we dream which is why it's so hard to bring back profound dreamtime experiences, but that's just me being silly, perhaps)

    My point, and it is a powerful one, a bright person like yourself cannot fail to agree is that it is perhaps unwise to lose access to this life and transit to the next dimension as a "fugitive".

    You ARE going there eventually, anyway, why rush?  

    Why not put in a few good years of wrestling this life into some semblance of what you want, and go out, when you have to, having happily conquered this life? 

    Suicide, is not a guaranteed end, I am sorry to say, and if your life has been relentlessly crap (like mine was when I first came to this understanding) then what to say the afterlife (which we now cannot DEFINITELY rule out!) won't be even worse!! 

    I will stop here for now, and ask, does that reasoning make sense?

    Do you agree with my conclusion, that perhaps you need to find a better exit strategy from the "misery" than suicide might offer?  

      

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