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Alexithymia -- Difficulty Feeling Emotions

Luftmentsch

Does anyone else have alexithymia (difficulty understanding and describing their own emotions)? I do have emotions, but I often struggle to understand or describe them, especially if they’re subtle or conflicted. This has arguably been a problem when trying to access mental health services or even being aware of my slides into depression.

Some emotions are powerful enough to make their presence felt, particularly the terrible trio of depression, anxiety and despair, but others can be harder to feel. Even strong positive emotions can be hard to find; sometimes I have to look for practical evidence to prove that I really do love my family, because I’m not sure what I feel. A lot of the time I feel rather numb and blank, sometimes with a faint undertone of mild depression or mild anxiety.

My main way of processing emotions is through writing. I’ve written a journal-type blog most days since 2006 (excluding an eighteen month period where I stopped) and that helps me process the events of the day, as well as get feedback from my small, but supportive readership. This probably sounds strange, but sometimes I don’t really know how I feel about things until I write them down. I’ve tried private journaling, but somehow I need a sense of an audience, even a very small one, to give me the impetus to communicate. If I can’t write on one day for some reason, I tend to carry around all the thoughts of that day with me and feel a need to offload.

I write fiction to try to understand bigger emotions, including ones that I haven’t personally experienced. I’ve always read a lot too and I think that’s probably an attempt to learn about emotions, on some level. I guess I get that from TV and film too, although I find modern TV and film overwhelming in its amplified display of emotions sometimes, at least what I see of it (which isn’t much).

I would be interested to hear of anyone else who struggles with this, as it feels quite isolating sometimes, something that even other autistic people don’t experience. I would also like to know if anyone has tips or coping mechanisms.

Parents

  • My profile says I am alexithymic too. Funny, I thought I always knew what I felt same as anyone else, but thinking about it I do deduce my emotions logically. I am certainly feeling plenty of them, but naming them does take some thinking through.

    I noticed something early on this journey in the pattern of my conversations with my NT best friend. If she calls me as is upset, she will start with "I feel" then move to " therefore I think". I will then ask: "so, what happened?". When she has told me that, I've then got a handle on what she's feeling and why.

    If I call her and am upset, I start with "this happened" then move to "therefore I think". She then asks me: "So, do you feel...?" Often, that's the point where I can start to name what I feel.

    So for her: Feel, think, explain

    For me: explain, think, name the feeling

    I get there...but more slowly.

  • in reply to Dawn

    Yes, I relate to this. I also deduce my own emotions logically. Combined with the fact that I have to deduce other people's emotions logically too, no wonder interactions are so draining for me!

  • in reply to Luftmentsch

    Funny thing is before I realised I could be Autistic I never realised other people don't have to think it through. Apparently their bodies give them that information ready formed - who knew? Everyone but me it seems, lol

  • in reply to Autonomistic

    Would you remember which article that was please? What I observe in my son is a combination of not recognizing early inner body signs, feeling later (or allowing it to come later as I read you), then feeling very strong and longer each emotion (hours). He also developed each emotion one by one in infancy starting with the basic ones later than typical and in a precise order: disgust, anger, fear, surpise, while sadness and happiness came later and not that well defined when he started to develop secondary emotions: shame at 5, guilt at 7, confidence at 9, decepcion at 11 years old. With each new emotion he would experience a drop in self-confidence as if the world had change and he needed to reconsider everything or was scared it would reappear without being able to control them. Does anyone remember how they felt in infancy? Adding that the way he experiences shame for example is also different as what people usually name shame. Sorry for the long post, I tried to study links between sensory inputs, emotions and feelings but I still haven't found a good one and I see it is a central point to build self-control and self-esteem. 

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  • in reply to Autonomistic

    Would you remember which article that was please? What I observe in my son is a combination of not recognizing early inner body signs, feeling later (or allowing it to come later as I read you), then feeling very strong and longer each emotion (hours). He also developed each emotion one by one in infancy starting with the basic ones later than typical and in a precise order: disgust, anger, fear, surpise, while sadness and happiness came later and not that well defined when he started to develop secondary emotions: shame at 5, guilt at 7, confidence at 9, decepcion at 11 years old. With each new emotion he would experience a drop in self-confidence as if the world had change and he needed to reconsider everything or was scared it would reappear without being able to control them. Does anyone remember how they felt in infancy? Adding that the way he experiences shame for example is also different as what people usually name shame. Sorry for the long post, I tried to study links between sensory inputs, emotions and feelings but I still haven't found a good one and I see it is a central point to build self-control and self-esteem. 

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