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Scripting and rehearsing conversations

NAS81317

Hey everyone. Having also read recently about the concept of scripting and rehearsing conversations in advance apparently being common in autism, I'm interested what this place has to say about it. 

In what ways do you script and rehearse conversations in advance? Personally, I really relate to rehearsing what to say in advance, but it's never felt because of social anxiety. 

I have fake conversations in my head all the time, even for ones that probably won't happen. My head feels like a letter box fulled with separate future conversations that I know I'll need to make and even for former friends who aren't around anymore. Even speaking to my family members requires planned conversation in advance, I have no idea how normal people can have spontaneous conversation for hours on end. 

I can only think of what to say in life, I don't feel authentic and never have. I'll prepare phrases, topics and even jokes sometimes. If I stopped planning, I wouldn't have anything to say. 

Does any of this sound on someone on the spectrum? Thanks 

Parents

  • I can very much relate to this post and the comments in reply. Like many here, I didn’t realise this was something that not many others did too. I thought everyone did it. My main instance of this now is in preparation to make a phone call. If ever I need to speak on the phone, I role play the scenarios and try to predict responses etc. I even make notes on what to say if they say something that I anticipate they will, but I also come up with plan b and c in case of an alternate response to the one I was initially expecting. It can become quite complicated. A flow diagram of variables and responses is probably the best way I can describe it.

  • in reply to Oakling

    Me too. I don't always write them down, only if there are too many things to remember. And I have recently realised I probably also have ADHD so even if I think I will remember I do not actually do so reliably so have started to write down more. But I feel the need to rehearse what if this or that and how I should respond and think through all the variables. Then you make the call and get an answerphone! So then I have to hang up and plan what to say to the answerphone and then call back prepared to say that only to be completely thrown when that time someone answers! Or you get put on hold for 3 years and have to hold it all in your head...

    I get so stressed by phone calls that my husband usually offers to do them for me, but I can't trust him to follow my script so that is just as bad! The other day we tried it and I wrote him out a script but was not at all sure he would follow it even though we practiced, as he got bored and even though he kept getting it wrong he refused to practice any more! Fortunately it went OK as the more complex part was not needed.

    Usually what we end up doing is he will do the first part of a call, pressing all the buttons and options and sitting through any holding and then he hands me the phone when we get to a real person. Still mega stressful, especially if the wait is long, but better than me doing it. I do not know how I would cope without his help.

    I do also think through other conversations, but mostly for practice or analysing old ones to learn how to improve. I can manage conversation, but it is very energy intensive and tiring.

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  • in reply to Oakling

    Me too. I don't always write them down, only if there are too many things to remember. And I have recently realised I probably also have ADHD so even if I think I will remember I do not actually do so reliably so have started to write down more. But I feel the need to rehearse what if this or that and how I should respond and think through all the variables. Then you make the call and get an answerphone! So then I have to hang up and plan what to say to the answerphone and then call back prepared to say that only to be completely thrown when that time someone answers! Or you get put on hold for 3 years and have to hold it all in your head...

    I get so stressed by phone calls that my husband usually offers to do them for me, but I can't trust him to follow my script so that is just as bad! The other day we tried it and I wrote him out a script but was not at all sure he would follow it even though we practiced, as he got bored and even though he kept getting it wrong he refused to practice any more! Fortunately it went OK as the more complex part was not needed.

    Usually what we end up doing is he will do the first part of a call, pressing all the buttons and options and sitting through any holding and then he hands me the phone when we get to a real person. Still mega stressful, especially if the wait is long, but better than me doing it. I do not know how I would cope without his help.

    I do also think through other conversations, but mostly for practice or analysing old ones to learn how to improve. I can manage conversation, but it is very energy intensive and tiring.

Children
  • in reply to AuTriker

    I could have written this myself. Even with all the preparation in the world, nothing can quite prepare you for the spike of adrenaline that happens when someone does actually answer and you realise that you are locked in to a conversation.

    AuTriker said:
    do not know how I would cope without his help.

    I’m much the same with my wife. I’m so grateful for her help. And I’m glad you have someone who knows your difficulties and helps too. My wife and I sometimes misunderstand each other, but she is always willing to help me in areas like this.

  • in reply to AuTriker
    AuTriker said:
    analysing old ones

    I do that too, to discern true motivations behind what people said, and why they did what they did. I'm alexithymic so i can't do it on a spot, and i can't interpret their body language correctly either, I can make some sense of what happened only in retrospection. Later I often verify my conclusions with one of my friends.