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Unresolved issue and autistic inertia

Autonomistic

My mind is stuck on a particular issue today and I don't know how to get it to move on.

The issue itself relates to a delivery of a large kitchen appliance yesterday which did not go to plan. The delivery men, who were supposed to install it, just dumped the item and left. I spent the best part of 6 hours yesterday on various live chats with the retailer trying to resolve it. Despite my best efforts I did not get anywhere. I tried again this morning but the department dealing with it is now closed until Monday.

At this stage I can do no more to change the situation and need to try and put it out of my mind until Monday. The trouble is I cannot. The matter is unresolved in my mind and I am constantly thinking about it. My brain simply doesn't want to move onto anything else until this is resolved.

I don't think this is just negative rumination. Best laid plans are often derailed by unexpected problems and this is something autistic people find difficult. Being unable to return focus to whatever it was I was supposed to be doing is something I really struggle with. I believe this is autistic inertia, an inability to move on from one focus to another.

This was not supposed to be my focus this weekend. I had other plans. Nothing special, just sorting out and listing some stuff on eBay. However try as I might I cannot get my mind to focus on that task or anything else. Sometimes when this happens I can distract my mind from the situation with sudoku or number puzzles. However even that doesn't seem to be working today.

Can anyone else relate to thinking like this? Any tips for how to switch thinking would be appreciated. What I usually end up doing in this sort of situation is absolutely nothing, which leads to feeling bad about myself for not having achieved what I intended to do.

Parents

  • This is yet another example of how great this community is for understanding oneself. This is something I have been searching for the words to describe it for quite some time. I too struggle with moving on from something, especially if I believe it to be unfinished. This has been the source of many a meltdown in my past. I’m afraid I don’t have any tips beyond what has already been posted, but it is something that I can most definitely relate to.

  • in reply to Oakling
    Oakling said:
    struggle with moving on from something, especially if I believe it to be unfinished

    I wonder if this is where "black and white" thinking comes in and that need for certainty.  This is something I was trying to explain in my CBT sessions....I can ruminate and ruminate but it doesn't feel like worry. But it can take over my brain in the same capacity. It was decided that it's probably a need for things to be certain. For things to have an answer one way or another.

  • in reply to Deleted User

    I can definitely relate to the idea that there needs to be an answer or resolution or some sort of understanding of the trigger in order for me to move on from ruminating.

    It feels to me much more like extreme problem solving than worry.

    The challenge is that so many things - like why did the delivery guy in the OP not also do the install - might never be answered properly.

  • in reply to Autonomistic

    Most definitions of rumination talk about it as something based in the past but it's not exclusively about events that have already happened - it can also be about real or imagined future scenarios.

    For me, getting locked into negative, repetitive thoughts about something thats happened (past/real) often leads to negative, repetitive thoughts about what might happen next (future/imagined).

    Again - I'm not challenging anyone's personal definitions or the terms they use to describe their own situation - each to their own. This was just an observation out of my own curiosity. 

  • in reply to NAS90609

    The distinction between the two is not clear cut. My understanding is that rumination involves repeatedly going over past events and dwelling on the negative aspects. 

    I attributed this situation to autistic inertia because my thoughts are more forward thinking. It is the need for an answer about what is going to happen and not so much dwelling on what has happened already. If I do not know what is going to happen it makes me more anxious and every part of me wants to keeps pursuing it until I have that resolution. I need some certainty for my monotropic mind to close down that task and transition to something else.

  • in reply to Deleted User

    Yes that's exactly it. The spanner in the works was that the delivery guys didn't do what they were supposed to and what I was expecting. If the delivery had gone to plan I'm sure I would have been able to focus on all my planned tasks this weekend. 

    It is like a sort of mental tailspin. I guess my mind has to try and process the gap between what I expected to happen and what actually happened. I get like this when anything doesn't go to plan.

    The task which I'd allocated half a day of my time to in my mind has suddenly become an uncertain length of time and I struggle to deal with that. I feel like I need to know what is going to happen in order to have some certainty back again. If they could tell me a definite date for the installation it would give me some certainty and allow me to close and file away the matter in my mind.

  • in reply to NAS90609

    Yes I think there is definitely a difficulty with transition from one state to another. Whether it be physical or to do with thoughts 

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