Hello I am a 23-year-old self-employed male and for the last few years I have suspected I maybe autistic. I have done online surveys/quizzes which I know aren't a diagnosis but I have done about 15 and they all have come back with “Strong Chance Of Autism” (or whatever it is they say).
At this point, I am unsure what to do as my GP is useless and honestly the whole process gives me anxiety and I never end up following through with it.
I have had people mention to me or ask me if I'm autistic and they have also mentioned it or asked my Fiance as well.
The things that made me think I may be are:
I hate the thought of any social interaction or activity of any kind. Even with people, I have known for years I struggle to stay in the room with people for longer than 20 minutes without disappearing to be on my own for a while.
I tend to come across to people as emotionless or ‘forcing’ emotion to fit the situation and people always seem to think I'm being rude towards them due to how blunt I can be and being very forceful in a conversation which leads to a lot of arguments and miscommunication with people close to me and has put in a place where I have virtually no friends.
A big thing my fiancee's sister has mentioned is that I don't like to make eye contact when I talk to people.
If I'm feeling very anxious, stressed, frustrated or angry I can't stand being touched and I'm very specific about the people that I like touching me.
I can not stand having people's faces close to me and if someone breaths in my face it can really affect me in a multitude of different ways.
I love fantasy writing and have a very very creative imagination which I am told is something I shouldn't have or should hide because I'm an adult
The smallest changes to my daily routine can put me in a very bad place even to the point of waking up later than normal on the weekend makes me anxious and stressed.
Sleeping me is a struggle most nights.
If I am doing something that seems pointless, is tedious or requires a lot of brain power but is something I don't care for I become very fidgety, stressed and lose all motivation which is a problem at work and sometimes at home, but when it comes to things I enjoy I can spend hours doing them and get lost in doing it.
I find it very hard sometimes to focus in conversations, especially in groups where more than one person is talking but also when talking to a single person I tend to zone out and into my own head or the environment around depending on the environment.
There are certain things I can't stand touching and I feel sick and sometimes stresses me out, but there are also things I could feel and play with for hours for example I love rubbing the soft fabric between my fingers like the inside of a pocket or bed sheets I find this very calming and can help me in tough moments.
An addition:
I also find myself putting hard, long or boring tasks off for long periods or if I can avoid them completely.
Unsure if this is a thing:
In the always found I either get along very well or not at all with autistic people and autistic have always seemed to gravitate toward me or away from me.
I may have missed things but these are the ones I feel most affect me and people have mentioned to me. Any help or insight would be well received thank you.
