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Not being allowed to be diffrent

NAS65321

Hi I am 52 and only found out about ASD two years ago. I always knew I was diffrent and as a kid unless you were disruptive at school nobody ever really looked hard. I was a sickly child and at one point there was talk of sending me to the 'special' school which I fought against. Looking back they may have found my ASD there? Anyway I was never allowed to be anything less than 'normal' as a child. I was a very average child and was never disruptive or in trouble.

I just wonder how things could have been diffrent? Outwardly I am married, have a mortgage, always had a job, and have no kids by choice (probably down to ASD). But have always spent a life masking and trying to fit in, which is exhausting. I guess I am not alone in being like this at this age? I am wondering how would have my life had been diffrent with an early diagnosis? Alternativley how would things be diffrent now if there was no such thing as a ASD diagnosis now and everybody was just left to get on with it?

Rob

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  • I'm a 43 year-old 'Bum with a Degree'. However, my family's home and land sold; which provided revenue for my brother and I to buy our new homes - outright - and live life on our own terms. So, I'm blessed.

    However, the old 'compare and despair' is ALWAYS there. The negative critical voice in my head - usually my Nan, or the closest woman I had to a Partner - imposing their perfectionism on me. When I was younger, I thought it was Schizophrenia. Now now, on reflection, it was the Asperger's.

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  • I'm a 43 year-old 'Bum with a Degree'. However, my family's home and land sold; which provided revenue for my brother and I to buy our new homes - outright - and live life on our own terms. So, I'm blessed.

    However, the old 'compare and despair' is ALWAYS there. The negative critical voice in my head - usually my Nan, or the closest woman I had to a Partner - imposing their perfectionism on me. When I was younger, I thought it was Schizophrenia. Now now, on reflection, it was the Asperger's.

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