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Help with ADHD teenager.

Roy

Hi, I’m  at a loss as to which direction to go in with our son. He is nearly 20. He has been trying to pass his driving test for ages and just gets into a massive panic. He left mainstream schooling at 14 years old after being expelled. He will often not be able to cope with a situation and once he feels cornered he will then become violent. Im autistic and see that he has ADHD and unfortunately slipped through the net. He works with large plant machinery and loves it, his boss is however threatening to sack him and shouts at him if he doesn’t pass his test.Unfortunately my son is on a zero contract .

He has a test coming up and finally broke down to his mother last night and said that he can’t cope, his brain is jumbled and is always working at 100 mph. He says it has always been like that. He sees his friends moving on and achieving mile stones like driving, getting a flat and a career and he can’t achieve anything. He said that he sleeps okay but the second he wakes up. Anxiety starts and his brain is racing. I’m not much use, I’m good at practical things like helping him with his car but I don’t communicate and stop talking, his mother always has to help him emotionally. I just don’t know how to help him. My wife is a nurse and agrees that he has ADHD. Since being a toddler has been very demanding has caused us a lot of stress. One day we had four police cars outside as he was on our roof and threatening to jump, that was about 4 years ago. We just don’t know where to turn to, we feel so sorry for him but don’t know how to broach the subject or wether he will accept it. He needs help and we are scared he will do something drastic. 

Parents

  • I'm autistic and undiagnosed officially ADHD. Most of the time it feels as if they were fightining each other making me unable to to/achieve anything out of fear of failure/being judged/noticed. Procrastination, super focus and distraction. But sometimes one is stronger than the other. So, I'm not as disorderly as I would be if I was only ADHD, or I'm able to multitask to some degree, and I wouldn't if I was only autistic. Thank to autistic needc for routine it's easier to build strategies to cope with getting distracted when ADHD is switching your focus constantly. And so on .... But I had no help or advice and I didn't know about it until 2 years ago, so I had to come up with all that by myself, and it takes time.

  • in reply to Mariusz

    Thanks for your reply, we had a bit of a chat last night. From what he explains, it seems that his mind runs in a very similar way to mine. Adhd isn’t just having a brain that runs at hyper speed, it’s struggling to prioritise a task and actually doing it without another 100 things also grabbing your attention. I’m sure you understand where I’m coming from. In a similar way to you, I’m able to eventually lock on to a task and then my autistic side takes over and focuses on it. 
    my son has taken the day off from work today, my wife and I are going to gently broach the subject of adhd. A diagnosis would enable an allowance on his driving test application. All he needs is an examiner who puts him at ease. My sons boss thought my son had a test yesterday, it was actually cancelled and moved to next month, my son still took yesterday off work and today hasn’t gone in as he is too scared, this has cost him £200. Strange thing is that I know his boss is severely dyslexic and seems to manage life with anger and not actually communicating properly. I’m sure you can see the pattern.

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  • in reply to Mariusz

    Thanks for your reply, we had a bit of a chat last night. From what he explains, it seems that his mind runs in a very similar way to mine. Adhd isn’t just having a brain that runs at hyper speed, it’s struggling to prioritise a task and actually doing it without another 100 things also grabbing your attention. I’m sure you understand where I’m coming from. In a similar way to you, I’m able to eventually lock on to a task and then my autistic side takes over and focuses on it. 
    my son has taken the day off from work today, my wife and I are going to gently broach the subject of adhd. A diagnosis would enable an allowance on his driving test application. All he needs is an examiner who puts him at ease. My sons boss thought my son had a test yesterday, it was actually cancelled and moved to next month, my son still took yesterday off work and today hasn’t gone in as he is too scared, this has cost him £200. Strange thing is that I know his boss is severely dyslexic and seems to manage life with anger and not actually communicating properly. I’m sure you can see the pattern.

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