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Better/Worse

Luftmentsch

A therapist once remarked that I have a lot of “ladder” thinking, i.e. I’m “more/less X than other people.”

I’ve noticed that I’m the same reading posts here: if other people are more functional than me e.g. full-time employed, I say to myself, “I’m so useless, why can’t I be that functional?”

But if they are less functional than me e.g. not employed at all, not in a relationship (1), then I feel , “I’m not ‘really’ autistic, I’m too functional, I’m just malingering, I should be able to do more than I’m doing now.” I can’t win either way!

(I say this on a day when I'm pretty much non-functional after a very stressful week, and feeling I should be doing more.)

Does anyone else feel like this?

(1) It still feels like a ridiculous fluke that I’m actually in a relationship and getting married after decades of mostly being single, but I can’t deny that it’s happening.

Parents

  • I think you have just summed my life up. I’m married, have children and own my house. I can’t be autistic, I act just like neurotypical people when I’m with them. I’ve had 50 years of practice. Truth is that I hate going to work everyday and it takes a lot to get out of bed most mornings. The outside world never sees this, I can either be massively productive or just not engage. My wife is the only one that ever sees the real me. It’s strange, we don’t look autistic! What ever that is. I often look at other people and can never workout how they make it all look so easy.

  • in reply to Roy

    Yes, I also know the feeling of "I can't be autistic, I can mask with neurotypicals." It's true until the point when I crash and suddenly can't do anything at all.

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