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Better/Worse

Luftmentsch

A therapist once remarked that I have a lot of “ladder” thinking, i.e. I’m “more/less X than other people.”

I’ve noticed that I’m the same reading posts here: if other people are more functional than me e.g. full-time employed, I say to myself, “I’m so useless, why can’t I be that functional?”

But if they are less functional than me e.g. not employed at all, not in a relationship (1), then I feel , “I’m not ‘really’ autistic, I’m too functional, I’m just malingering, I should be able to do more than I’m doing now.” I can’t win either way!

(I say this on a day when I'm pretty much non-functional after a very stressful week, and feeling I should be doing more.)

Does anyone else feel like this?

(1) It still feels like a ridiculous fluke that I’m actually in a relationship and getting married after decades of mostly being single, but I can’t deny that it’s happening.

Parents

  • I was actually thinking about something similar today. Thinking that others see me as fully functioning, because on the outside I look like I am coping with life, I work, I’ve been married, I have children, I drive, I’ve run my own businesses over the years ….

    But behind closed doors, I struggle a lot. I can’t manage full time work. I don’t want the stress of another relationship, I have no friends, find it difficult to function and keep up with everything,  and I need support. I actually need help to do the most simple thing, like get a tyre changed in the garage, because I have so much anxiety. I put off everything, avoid everything, and have no one to support me. I feel like a failure at life, despite knowing I’m autistic. 

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  • I was actually thinking about something similar today. Thinking that others see me as fully functioning, because on the outside I look like I am coping with life, I work, I’ve been married, I have children, I drive, I’ve run my own businesses over the years ….

    But behind closed doors, I struggle a lot. I can’t manage full time work. I don’t want the stress of another relationship, I have no friends, find it difficult to function and keep up with everything,  and I need support. I actually need help to do the most simple thing, like get a tyre changed in the garage, because I have so much anxiety. I put off everything, avoid everything, and have no one to support me. I feel like a failure at life, despite knowing I’m autistic. 

Children