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Better/Worse

Luftmentsch

A therapist once remarked that I have a lot of “ladder” thinking, i.e. I’m “more/less X than other people.”

I’ve noticed that I’m the same reading posts here: if other people are more functional than me e.g. full-time employed, I say to myself, “I’m so useless, why can’t I be that functional?”

But if they are less functional than me e.g. not employed at all, not in a relationship (1), then I feel , “I’m not ‘really’ autistic, I’m too functional, I’m just malingering, I should be able to do more than I’m doing now.” I can’t win either way!

(I say this on a day when I'm pretty much non-functional after a very stressful week, and feeling I should be doing more.)

Does anyone else feel like this?

(1) It still feels like a ridiculous fluke that I’m actually in a relationship and getting married after decades of mostly being single, but I can’t deny that it’s happening.

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  • Luftmentsch said:
    Does anyone else feel like this?

    100% yes! Everything you said above is exactly how I am. I see others accomplishments and I feel useless like I'm not good enough and I beat myself up for it. Then when I can do certain things more so than others I have those self doubt moments and I think "how can I be Autistic if I can do this?" It's a weird thing when it happens like my brain is trying to convince itself or something.

    Congratulations on getting married - when is the big day? My big dream is to get married. No luck yet tho.

  • in reply to Lego Girl

    Thanks! The wedding situation is a bit complicated as I'm marrying an American and the immigration situation is complicated. We actually had a very small civil ceremony in New York at the end of August, but for immigration reasons we now have to live on separate continents for the next few months (which is very hard emotionally), waiting for my wife to get a visa to come and live here in the UK. Once we get that, we want to have a slightly larger (although still small) religious ceremony here. So we've had one ceremony and are waiting for the  other!

  • in reply to Luftmentsch

    That does sound complicated can't be easy for you. I'm always here to chat if you ever need to. Just think hopefully soon you will both be together and have your second slightly bigger ceremony! 

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