Hi there, this is all a bit fresh for me. I've been going through the mill of "what's wrong with me" for a long time, since childhood in fact. About ten years ago I was diagnosed with Generalised Anxiety Disorder, which made me grateful to know there was a name for it after years of struggling, but even then it became clear it didn't explain everything. CBT didn't really help. I suffered from OCD traits as a child, which was later registered by a GP - lost many of those as an adult - and my teens/20s were a struggle. As a child I read very early, and I picked up playing music at the age of 4 - my father describes me as always having "eccentric traits". I was bullied a lot, ended up in hospital with psychosomatic pain. I've obsessed about food hygiene and it making me ill my whole life and pretty much had an eating disorder in my teens/early twenties. I used to carry polo mints everywhere and panic if I didn't have them.
I always pushed past it because I felt I had to, but after several years of shutting myself away and living online in my twenties (my poor behaviour cost me a long term relationship), panic attacks about going out or to work, I started pushing myself to live socially and explore the world more. I've had numerous bad work experiences in my life, mainly as I can't really back down when something is wrong and want to fix it, which culminated in a very bad experience just pre-covid. I am sociable these days, and have a few close friends from my 30s, but interactions do often make me feel awkward, and I often wonder how I come across. I feel like I'm waiting for other people to finish talking. If something goes wrong, or I even perceive it, I fret about it forever.
So, to cut a long story incredibly short, just the assessment has had me looking back as if I'm Neo seeing the Matrix for the first time. I was looking for an ADHD assessment as I have historically poor sleep (not related to worry) and a terrible short-term memory, but after a two hour conversation with a mental health professional, all signs apparently point to ASD. Which came as a bit of a shock. I mean, I briefly considered it, but not seriously. So onwards to the long years of trying to get diagnosed properly.
My son, also undergoing getting diagnosis, may on the spectrum. He's quite young, just started school, can just about read already. We suspect he is hyperlexic as he has been obsessed with letters and numbers since he was two. He knows the Arabic, Hebrew, Japanese (Hirigana and some Katakana), Greek, Cyricllic, Polish, English and Welsh alphabets, and is now into music notes. He has little interest in toys. His interactions with kids - as he's sociable - is more in getting them to chase him rather than doing what they want. Otherwise he's extremely bright and very cheerful - if lacking in concentration in things that don't interest him. He is an amazing Super Mario player and loves 8 bit games.
I guess I'm just reaching out to see how people coped with this. I feel like I'm on a knife edge of understanding that could go either way with diagnosis, but the assessor was pretty sure. I also got an apology (they didn't need to) for being bounced around different departments because the Venn diagram of what I do/have had overlaps with other issues. Put it to the back of my head until then? Or learn to cope/understand myself better? As for our son, we just want him to be happy. So we feed his obsessions and praise him. And lots of cuddles, of course (also that means I get them back). Any thoughts or advice welcome, really. Apologies for the wall of text.
