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Is this PDA?

KipP

I'm 28 years old and got my diagnosis two months ago. I have been reading up about PDA and I feel like a lot of it fits me - I hate being told or asked to do things, even if it was something I was planning to do anyway I will no longer want to do it if someone asks me to.

Something that seems related to this is that I hate people making assumptions about me, especially if they are right. I would rather someone make a wrong assumption that is more "embarrassing" than that they assume correctly - I'm not sure if that makes sense? And I particularly dislike if someone anticipates my emotional response to something, and changes the way they speak to me as a result. For example this morning my girlfriend told me she won't be spending Christmas with me this year, and when she told me she held my hand and changed her tone of voice to speak more "gently", and for some reason it really irritated me. 

Writing it out now it seems super petty and irrational, but it's something I have noticed before (with other people, not just her) and it consistently bugs me.

Can anyone else relate? And do you think this is a PDA thing? Like the expected emotional response becomes a demand? It's annoying and I'd like to figure out a way to get over this if I can.

Parents

  • Well yes, we despise these for good reason!

    PDA is a made up bit of non-autistic 'speak' to attempt to explain to parents to stop making unreasonable demands and start treating their children as human. They're not dogs. For all of psychology's desire to try and explain something in a way which it will be well received, they manage to forget how a thing will get taken out of context and morph. 

    What you're tapping into is how non-autistic individuals communicate: with Command Words, all vying for power and domination. They move in packs or murmur and shift allegiance according to perceived power. It's a hierarchal system. It works for them for some reason. Autistics tend toward analytic thinking (and I don't mean we're all analytics), but a more equal, observational, exchange of knowledge where value judgement and hierarchy would corrupt.

    Sometimes if you can, it's best to try to use their way of explaining back to them, with a soft tone and hand holding that this sort of business is irritating. However, I'll make my best attempt to communicate how you prefer if you make a best attempt at being more direct, with a little more critical thought and less theatrical when you communicate with me. Presumption and Arrogance are not sexy ;)

  • in reply to JuniperFromGallifrey

    Well Captain, I can agree that the generalities that you have described above are almost certainly common (to some extent) to all in their ASD experience - and most NT's would also identify to a similar extent too.  However, I happen to know that, in some cases at least, PDA traits manifest with such inexplicable power that they can wholly dominate the lived ASD experience.  Extraordinary efforts can be employed by a competent PDAer (knowingly or otherwise) to avoid "stuff" that they "need" to avoid - even if they really want to, or need to do that stuff.  The inexplicability and intensity of the "block" can prove to be both functionally crippling and existentially dangerous.

    You may have gathered that I do hold your commentaries in high esteem, but in this instance, I am compelled to 'down vote' your commentary. 

    Please look again at PDA.

    With respect.

  • in reply to Deleted User

    VOTING:

    While I'm open to Reasoning through things, this 'voting' nonsense is creepy. It's a Domination Tactic. In fact, I "might" down-vote someone when they're being remarkably / unspeakably cruel to another.  But I don't believe I have, I usually try to help them out of the Survival State they've fallen into. We suffer more than enough criticism in life. What we all need is a bit of Grace. 

    We don't actually need to vote - that's A Black Mirror NeuroTypical Indulgence. If anything, voting up can be used to show solidarity, but I'd personally rather it not be forced into the Autistic Experience. We aren't a hierarchal system! We don't EVER thrive in competition or domination. (To speak of PDA)

     Please Take Note of this Autistic Difference. ^^ And so, 81486, I'm rather glad you brought this up!

    PDA:

    If you'd like to share some links to research, please do! I am open to ALL papers, blogs, etc. That's WHY WE HAVE THIS. So we can SHARE.

    Autism is under-funded and under-researched and if anything, most researching completely miss the obvious. 

    The Captain remark was a little light humour for a bit of joy. But let's use this forum to help each other learn, grow, become better and become into our True Selves :) 

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  • in reply to Deleted User

    VOTING:

    While I'm open to Reasoning through things, this 'voting' nonsense is creepy. It's a Domination Tactic. In fact, I "might" down-vote someone when they're being remarkably / unspeakably cruel to another.  But I don't believe I have, I usually try to help them out of the Survival State they've fallen into. We suffer more than enough criticism in life. What we all need is a bit of Grace. 

    We don't actually need to vote - that's A Black Mirror NeuroTypical Indulgence. If anything, voting up can be used to show solidarity, but I'd personally rather it not be forced into the Autistic Experience. We aren't a hierarchal system! We don't EVER thrive in competition or domination. (To speak of PDA)

     Please Take Note of this Autistic Difference. ^^ And so, 81486, I'm rather glad you brought this up!

    PDA:

    If you'd like to share some links to research, please do! I am open to ALL papers, blogs, etc. That's WHY WE HAVE THIS. So we can SHARE.

    Autism is under-funded and under-researched and if anything, most researching completely miss the obvious. 

    The Captain remark was a little light humour for a bit of joy. But let's use this forum to help each other learn, grow, become better and become into our True Selves :) 

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