Understanding Autism

Hi Sophie,

I’m quite different to you but you might be able to resonate with some of my experiences. I grew up in the 60s and 70s, no one had ever heard of autism back then and I also had parents who were more concerned with their public image than they were about what was going on with their children. Admitting that any of their children had mental problems would have been incredibly embarrassing for them. These days I don’t even know if they still live, spending any time with them always triggered bouts of depression. I don’t hate them or resent them, I just had to stop having anything to do with them for the sake of my own sanity.

So, a dysfunctional family, and I also grew up in a very rough neighbourhood. I loved that BBC TV series Shameless, it reminded me of my youth. From an early age I had to be very assertive, no one understood why I behaved as I did, least of all me, but I never gave in. I always remained true to myself.

As a child I didn’t need people around me, I was always happiest playing by myself. My fondest daydream was that one day a man from the government would come and get me and give me back to my real parents, it broke my heart when the lady in the corner shop mentioned how much I looked like my sister.

As a teenager and a young man I needed a social life. I was always just myself, I had to be, yet I still managed to build a network of friends. I found that most people outside of school were happy to just accept me as I was regardless of my funny quirks. I was never any good with groups of people, I always found myself lagging several comments behind everyone else in conversations, but I’m fine when only dealing with one or two people.

Not recommended, but you’ll probably try it some time anyway, I discovered a fantastic social lubricant called alcohol. With enough alcohol you discover that there’s quite a lot you want to say and you no longer care what anyone else thinks or says. I really struggle to hear people’s voices in noisy situations, but if I was the one doing the talking…..

With foods I was always pretty good, except for peas. I like them raw, straight from the pod, but as soon as you cook them I can’t eat them. Baked Beans as well, it’s not the flavour but the texture. I’m also a good cook and I like my own cooking, a valuable skill if ever you’re short of money. Food itself is quite cheap, having other people do the preparation and cooking for you is very expensive.

I can’t use public transport, so many people use so much perfume that it chokes me, these days young men seem to be worse than old ladies with that.

I don’t watch TV, listen to radio, or use any social media. Too much emotional hype gets me too wound up and I can end up getting nasty with people.

I’m extremely sensitive to high pitched sounds, some tones cause extreme physical pain like someone’s pushing a metal spike through my brain. Electric leaf blowers are amongst the worst, they’re alright when their new but after a bit of wear and tear on the bearings they create harmonics that bring me to tears. Some women also put on a fake high pitched voice like Minnie Mouse, when they do that I have to leave the room.

I have a problem with bullies, they make me very angry. It seems that bullies have the same problem with me, we seem to instantly recognise each other and antagonise each other. This happens more often in workplaces than it does in social environments, I changed jobs a lot.

Now I’m getting old having a social life no longer matters to me, I prefer being by myself.

Your comments about exams interested me. I was always academically brilliant but my sister really struggled. She was a year ahead of me in school but I always did all her homework for her. She broke down in tears one time because everyone always said she was dumb, but I’ll tell you straight out, she’s probably the most switched on *** I ever met in my life.

She was fine with maths in her head, she could add, subtract, multiply and divide quicker than most people can thing how to. But as soon as she tried to put pen to paper her brain froze up. She also can’t read maps, she says she can if you turn the map up the right way for her but as soon as you turn a corner she’s lost it again.

As a young woman she was an offset printer, like me. While her children were growing up she did part time work as a waitress, then when the kids left home she became a real estate agent. Very obviously not dumb.

Please don’t look for a regular statement about “what autism is”, we’re all very different. My advice is to take more notice of what you like and what you don’t like and learn to live with that. Discover who you are and be true to that. Also remember that as you grow older who you are will change, but you will always be the best friend that you can ever have.

I find a lot of comfort in writing, I never kept a diary but I write a lot of letters. I don’t always send the letters but writing them makes me feel better and helps me to rationalise my thoughts.

And some generic advice for young people – yes, the world is full of arseholes, but there’s a lot of nice people out there as well. Don’t give up, just be patient and you’ll find them.

Cheers,

Andrew.

Hi Sophie,

I’m quite different to you but you might be able to resonate with some of my experiences. I grew up in the 60s and 70s, no one had ever heard of autism back then and I also had parents who were more concerned with their public image than they were about what was going on with their children. Admitting that any of their children had mental problems would have been incredibly embarrassing for them. These days I don’t even know if they still live, spending any time with them always triggered bouts of depression. I don’t hate them or resent them, I just had to stop having anything to do with them for the sake of my own sanity.

So, a dysfunctional family, and I also grew up in a very rough neighbourhood. I loved that BBC TV series Shameless, it reminded me of my youth. From an early age I had to be very assertive, no one understood why I behaved as I did, least of all me, but I never gave in. I always remained true to myself.

As a child I didn’t need people around me, I was always happiest playing by myself. My fondest daydream was that one day a man from the government would come and get me and give me back to my real parents, it broke my heart when the lady in the corner shop mentioned how much I looked like my sister.

As a teenager and a young man I needed a social life. I was always just myself, I had to be, yet I still managed to build a network of friends. I found that most people outside of school were happy to just accept me as I was regardless of my funny quirks. I was never any good with groups of people, I always found myself lagging several comments behind everyone else in conversations, but I’m fine when only dealing with one or two people.

Not recommended, but you’ll probably try it some time anyway, I discovered a fantastic social lubricant called alcohol. With enough alcohol you discover that there’s quite a lot you want to say and you no longer care what anyone else thinks or says. I really struggle to hear people’s voices in noisy situations, but if I was the one doing the talking…..

With foods I was always pretty good, except for peas. I like them raw, straight from the pod, but as soon as you cook them I can’t eat them. Baked Beans as well, it’s not the flavour but the texture. I’m also a good cook and I like my own cooking, a valuable skill if ever you’re short of money. Food itself is quite cheap, having other people do the preparation and cooking for you is very expensive.

I can’t use public transport, so many people use so much perfume that it chokes me, these days young men seem to be worse than old ladies with that.

I don’t watch TV, listen to radio, or use any social media. Too much emotional hype gets me too wound up and I can end up getting nasty with people.

I’m extremely sensitive to high pitched sounds, some tones cause extreme physical pain like someone’s pushing a metal spike through my brain. Electric leaf blowers are amongst the worst, they’re alright when their new but after a bit of wear and tear on the bearings they create harmonics that bring me to tears. Some women also put on a fake high pitched voice like Minnie Mouse, when they do that I have to leave the room.

I have a problem with bullies, they make me very angry. It seems that bullies have the same problem with me, we seem to instantly recognise each other and antagonise each other. This happens more often in workplaces than it does in social environments, I changed jobs a lot.

Now I’m getting old having a social life no longer matters to me, I prefer being by myself.

Your comments about exams interested me. I was always academically brilliant but my sister really struggled. She was a year ahead of me in school but I always did all her homework for her. She broke down in tears one time because everyone always said she was dumb, but I’ll tell you straight out, she’s probably the most switched on *** I ever met in my life.

She was fine with maths in her head, she could add, subtract, multiply and divide quicker than most people can thing how to. But as soon as she tried to put pen to paper her brain froze up. She also can’t read maps, she says she can if you turn the map up the right way for her but as soon as you turn a corner she’s lost it again.

As a young woman she was an offset printer, like me. While her children were growing up she did part time work as a waitress, then when the kids left home she became a real estate agent. Very obviously not dumb.

Please don’t look for a regular statement about “what autism is”, we’re all very different. My advice is to take more notice of what you like and what you don’t like and learn to live with that. Discover who you are and be true to that. Also remember that as you grow older who you are will change, but you will always be the best friend that you can ever have.

I find a lot of comfort in writing, I never kept a diary but I write a lot of letters. I don’t always send the letters but writing them makes me feel better and helps me to rationalise my thoughts.

And some generic advice for young people – yes, the world is full of arseholes, but there’s a lot of nice people out there as well. Don’t give up, just be patient and you’ll find them.

Cheers,

Andrew.

Sorry about the bad formatting there, I copied and pasted from a document and it didn't work well.