The passing of the Queen and period of mourning

I am so relieved at these comments. I was really worried posting this in case people came back with having a go at me or critical stuff

I was also really worried whether feeling this way made me a bad or heartless person. To know theres lots of other people like me who don't get it and feel the way I do is a real comfort. Makes me feel like Im not mad or heartless.

The whole thing reminds me of the people who were forced to cry outside the grave when Kim Jong Un died, there is something very North Korean or Soviet about forced grief and I am not comfortable with it

I also thought it was disgusting that the BBC newsreader said that the cost of living crisis is now "insignificant" because of this. So all the poor old ladies that may starve or freeze to death in their council flats this winter due to poverty now suddenly dont matter? 

I am very sad about the Queen passing, I had a lot of respect for her. I do want to make that clear. But this, as Jenny Butterfly said, feels wrong

Weve had two years of not being able to watch sports or events or do things to cheer ourselves up due to lockdown, people are suffering, so depriving everyone of the things that cheer them up further and forcing them into depression and mouring seems very cruel 

Jenny Butterfly said:

Then, in its extremity, I think it also becomes strangely inauthentic, like a parody.  And this triggers disbelief in me, rather than sadness, combined with the feeling of standing on the outside of society.   

This is exactly how I feel. It does feel inauthentic, almost like everyone has to feel this. Some people will feel it but the ones that dont seem like they have to pretend. It is very strange to me

I always feel on the outside of how "the nation" is feeling anyway,, whether its sad events like this or celebrations like Christmas or England doing well at the World Cup. I always hear about " the mood of the nation" but I never seem to get why people feel how they do and I dont naturally feel the same

Dawn said:

And you are right this is institutional "grief", a socially imposed "grief". Many other 96 year olds died this week, each one a loss to some one who will miss and grieve for them, but the world didn't stop for the rest of us.

I think this is really well put, this is kind of part of what I was trying to say

I am very sad!

I think the media do fan a lot and play on the reactions of the general public. I have noticed from some quite random social media posts in recent weeks that people seem to be losing the ability to think for themselves as well (maybe it was never there and I haven’t noticed until now) One of my very few memories of Princess Diana’s funeral was my Mum’s exasperation at the people in the crowd crying hysterically “why are they so upset she wasn’t their relative or friend” although that was in far more tragic circumstances it does seem weird to be so upset about someone you didn’t actually know

I agree, I think the days where everyone was forced to wear black and mope around are very long gone. Nowadays this period is more for the Royal family and government to make the funeral arrangements and there are also a lot of people who will want to take part in the laying in state and line the streets during the funeral. If you’re not bothered just carry on, I don’t think everything will be cancelled, the footballers will probably carry on with their black arm bands on

Billy87 said:

The idea of 10 days of compulsory mourning really bothers me. I hate being told how to feel and the idea that we are being told to be sad for 10 days feels very wrong and totalitarian.

A very long time ago and probably in an attempt to get me to tune into my emotions and how they were triggered, one of my therapists paused and said to me, "If it feels wrong, it probably is!"  Now I'm not sure it always is, but it certainly made me pause for thought and to me, in this situation, this absolutely does feel wrong! 

I appreciate that many will be saddened by the news but most of the media and news outlets have gone into hyperdrive and there's little space left for anything else.  So yes, this feels imposed, unjustifiable and also very unbalanced.  I'll admit, I'm not a monarchist so this might well underpin my responses on this subject, but I'm human and have experienced a fair amount of loss and grief.  So I understand the all-too-human need to mourn and, in the case of high profile deaths, for people to collectively express their grief.  But to me this all feels over the top, engineered and then fanned by the media.  Then, in its extremity, I think it also becomes strangely inauthentic, like a parody.  And this triggers disbelief in me, rather than sadness, combined with the feeling of standing on the outside of society.   

Has it become something else entirely and I too am just not getting it?  Or are we absolutely getting it and having an "Emperor's New Clothes" moment?      

You are not obliged to feel sad for 10 days, you are entirely free to feel any emotion. 

No, you aren't being awful. On a human level, I do of course feel sorry for her family and friends and as with the passing of every high profile public figure some reflection on and celebration of her life and work is appropriate. But, at the end of the day she was a 96 year old lady who'd had a good innings. I'm not quite sure why the world has to come to a stand still and I do worry about what else is going on in the world that will get swept under the carpet.

I guess for one thing my views are coloured by my Spiritualism. Passings after a long productive life for me just mean that person has now earned the right to a better life in spirit. 

Then, I guess the fact that I'm not a royalist comes into it for me too. I've nothing against them personally, some royals try to use their influence for good causes. But as an institution, the monarchy is a relic of a not very pretty history. And you are right this is institutional "grief", a socially imposed "grief". Many other 96 year olds died this week, each one a loss to some one who will miss and grieve for them, but the world didn't stop for the rest of us. You just can't impose an emotion on a nation. 

Same here my gran sadly passed away due to covid and I haven’t coped with it extremely well at all like I love the queen and the royal family but if your going through an awful time mentally anyway it’s just not very good at all and being told we have to go through mourning is no help at all I’m the same I don’t like being told how I can and can’t feel like I hate it when people say it’s ok not to be ok