I live with my parents currently, as much as I really don't want to. I wish I lived alone, like I did in the past. I am in my forties, pretty much alone, depressed, stressed and generally not in a brilliant place.
My brother and his family moved in and his wife had a second kid. He keeps moving things in the house and throwing things away and the stress he is causing me is really high. I started chomping down 1mg of Diazepam twice a day. I can take a lot more than that, but up until now have never had any real need to use it at 6mg a day. Everytime I go downstairs, he's moved something, changed something, put something new in the house. I am getting more and more stressed by the day. It will come to a head at some point. Last time that happened I knocked his head off and gave him a pummelling many years back. He didn't talk to me for a year, but I wasn't particularly bothered. It would be better if he moved out before it reaches that point. Or maybe I should, but accessing social housing is a long process. I am not in a position financially to just move out. I wish I was, I would leave in a heartbeat. I do have a van with a bed in it, though.
Right now my life is in transition. I have another year of college to complete. Once that's done I will no longer be tied to this place and can go and disappear and leave all this chaos. I have my own hopes and dreams to follow, but I need to sort out my education first, then make some money. With money comes the ability to enact projects.
I love my brother, don't get me wrong, but I also really hate him. I won't elaborate beyond that. Vitriol is at the highest point, probably ever. I am spending increasing amounts of time trying to work out how to get him to leave. Obviously nothing can be done overtly or it will cause blowback. I wish he had never come back to this country. Life was much simpler and easier back then.
