Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi, I'm new to the community. I've not tried talking online and I do feel a little anxious but I'm hoping this will be a safe space for me and I'll be understood.
I live with my family but they don't believe in autism and see it more as an excuse and force me to talk and do things that trigger me and cause anxiety. I was diagnosed a few years ago had to go through it all on my own my family didn't want me to do it and said I wasted NHS money and time. I'm having to mask all the time every day and it's tiring me out and I get burn out. I've literally no one to turn to and no one who understands me and what I'm going through.
I've noticed that my autism is getting worse, the things that affect me I mean. Is that common? I don't know much about it. I get eye sensitivity. I'm sensitive to lots like sounds and touch but my eyes and brightness are affected really bad. Everything is so bright, I wear sunglasses a lot now even inside because of my eyes. I can only use my phone and laptop for about 10-15 minutes before my eyes start hurting before it becomes too much for me. Usually the result is me feeling tired, dizzy and my eyes feel like they are strained.
Digestion is my other issue. My stomach hurts, get feelings like trapped wind a lot like there's lots of movement in it, very uncomfortable and things can be 'loose'. I do have IBS and anxiety so it's probably linked with this but I do struggle with it and feel it's worsening.
And last other than struggling with being social is anxiety. I have anxiety and it affects me each and every day but weirdly it doesn't have a trigger, or if it does I've no idea what it is. I'm anxious all the time for some reason and it causes a lot of physical and mental effects but nothing seems to improve it and I no idea what causes me to feel so anxious. My doctor keeps suggesting medication but I know side effects are common and I don't want them so I say no.
Just feeling alone at the moment.
Very alone.
Our ability to tolerate things and how much we care what others think of us both tend to decrease with age.
Most autistic people put up with a huge amount in their teenage years and twenties. Especially if undiagnosed, autistic people might have been suffering through burnout and constantly masking and trying to fit in.
Once you get in your 30s and then 40s and beyond your ability to push yourself into unpleasant situations diminishes, so it's not uncommon for autistic people to withdraw socially as they get older, and to have more difficulty with sensory overload, and also be less willing to mask. I think that's where the feeling comes from that your autism is "getting worse", but it's not getting worse, you are just allowing yourself to be yourself.
Try to be kind to yourself. You will know what you don't like, and you don't have to put up with those things if you don't want to.