Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm 19 and have no friends or girlfriend. I always struggled to understand why i didn't really have friends, i never really had when i started middle/secondary school. Everyone just thought i was shy etc. I tried university but it didn't really work out, i got very ill, i struggled to focus on the course (literally yesterday i was diagnosed with adhd), so i quit, and then i found out that people had made up malicous rumours about me and the girls i was with just thought i was funny and never stayed in touch after i left. How do I find friends or a relationship with a girl etc? I've had one girlfriend it was someone i knew from elementary/primary school who we connected with in lockdown but it lasted barely 2 months if that. I've tried apps like tinder and i can never understand if people are joking or not by the stuff they say on there, usually they just want sex and often theyr'e just plain malicous girls. I think I met an autistic person on a forum who i talked to for a while, a girl, but this might sound bad but I feel like i'd deal with dating an autistic person id find that harder than dating a neurotypical? In the case i had when i was talking to this girl she was just very clingy and would like say "i guess you dont like me" if i didn't reply to a text straight away etc. I'm so lonely and its driven me to suicide attempts before. I've been on my own for so long im just "sick of it" - statements like "oh focus on yourself" dont really mean anything ive had plenty of time for that. I don't really have any typical autistic hobbies tbh - I just like going to the gym, driving, and ocassionally writing.
Hi, I'm glad you posted - reading your post was like a flashback to my own past, I'm 50 now. I certainly found school difficult and university hardest of all, socially. I was also very lonely at your age, and struggled to make friends / girlfriends.
My advice would be just to do things that make you well (like going to the gym which is great) and go to places where you may make friends, without feeling under pressure to do so. For me, that was volunteering with a charity that I cared about, but it could be joining any kind of group / activity. I know that can feel daunting, but if you pick something that you are interested in / care about, that gives you something in common. You will meet people, probably make friends with people, and that dramatically increases the chances of finding someone special (it's where I met my wife). It may well be that for autistic people it is more likely to find partners through making friends first, as it is less scary than blind dates or apps or asking people out who you don't know (I haven't had a huge amount of girlfriends but all have been friends before they were).
It gets better, I promise.