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Losing grip on my world...

NAS81416

I was a late diagnosis, I am 67 now and was mid-50s when diagnosed.

In a way, it was a relief as it explained my life "issues" since secondary school.

Mainly, I struggle with emotional responses and interaction with others. I have meltdowns with no recollection of events leading up to it.

Have had a successful career, Royal Navy electronics engineer into IT. 

I am married with two adult children. 

I describe myself as not far enough on the spectrum to not want relationship, but far enough to not know what to do Slight smile

Life has always been stressful, even after diagnosis.

I am good at pretending to be "normal" in everyday interactions, but it is tiring to maintain.

Anyway, I have functioned in the real world until recently.

I retired December 2020, mid Covid as work environment just became too toxic.

4 months later, after sudden onset of excructiating joint pain, I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis. Out of the blue, never been really ill all my life.

Then August last year my wife was diagnosed with bowel cancer and had emergency operation and chemo.

I am struggling to provide the emotional support she needs, and the ongoing RA issues are hard to deal with.

I feel I just want to hide away...

Plus retirement after 50 years working is a shock to the system.

Apologies for this rambling first post, but I have no real friends (that emotional connection problem) and my wife doesn't want me dumping this on son and daughter (understandable).

Plus my wife often thinks I exaggerate the autism for sympathy and I don't think she really believes.

I wish I could show people how the world is to me...

Just not coping with my world as it is now.

  • You've been through a lot of life changes over the past couple of years and it is going to take time to adjust. Autistic people find it harder to cope with change and need more time to mentally process and adapt to it.

    If you feel you just want to hide away then that is probably exactly what you need, to give yourself the time and space to adapt.

    Trying to emotionally support your wife right now is just going to add to the pressure, as it is not something your autistic brain is designed to do. Is there anyone else who can support your wife? 

    Maybe your adult son and daughter could spend more time with her to allow you to step back from the situation a bit. It needn't mean dumping your problems on them. I think maybe you just need some solitude.

  • Welcome

    You found your way here, where you can talk to like-minded people,

    I and probably most os us here understand how hard it is when others around don't understand, it's worse when they don't want to and tell us to stop talking about it

    Retirement is shock to everyone. My mom was restless for many years until she started volunteering for PTTK in Poland as a guide for tourists. Some people are not made to sit idle.

    NAS81416 said:
    my wife often thinks I exaggerate the autism for sympathy

    you need to make her understand that you talk about it now because you have answers, and you kept it hidden all your life, and we do have a need to share what we know, everything we know.

    I won't agree with 

    NAS81416 said:
    my wife doesn't want me dumping this on son and daughter (understandable).

    what if your grandchildren are going to be autistic? wouldn't it be better if your kids were aware what it is and what to do? wouldn't it improve communication between you?

    I've got arthritic bone deformation of bones in my right wrist, after to many accidents, it didn't heal properly. Now it hurts mildly all the time, or badly when weather changes. We're a sensitive people and it makes us feel pain more too

  • Thank you for sharing this with the community. I'm sorry to hear that you have been struggling in these ways, If you were interested in counselling (NHS & private), you may like to have a look on the Autism Services Directory: https://www.autism.org.uk/directory under ‘Health & Counsellors’. 

     If there are no counsellors in your area on the directory, you may like to try the links suggested at end of this webpage: 

    https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/strategies-and-interventions/strategies-and-interventions/counselling#H2_6 

    All the best,

    ChloeMod