I am bankrupt and feeling really stressed.. emotional.. out of control.. thinking about death at least every day.. I find it very difficult to enjoy anything.. and feel I have no future

You were not raised with the skills to become an independent adult, and you've tried to be an independent adult on your own, but it's been a difficult process.

I mean you took steps for your health by going walking and cycling, but you drain and burn yourself out and have to retreat to rest, and then you have a hard time getting back out there, because you might be fearful of burning out again. What impresses me about you, is that you even managed to walk and go cycling. What I imagine might be more optimal for you would be lighter but consistant exercise. 

There's a thing about spending money and acquiring items that make people feel euphoric and happy, but it's temporary, so they keep getting more and more stuff. I think that when people are stressed out and feel unhappy, they try to look for other things to make them happy. So if that happiness comes from spending money as a way of coping with stress, that can leave someone in debt. I think that if socializing is difficult and it's hard to gain anything positive from it, then objects can become secondary sources for happiness. So you can find other ways of gaining happiness that does not come from spending too much money, like I'd borrow a book from the library and spend time reading, so that my time is already occupied and I don't spend that time on shopping.  

I mean a lot of things you have to do is not fun and does not produce happiness in the present moment, like trying to job hunt, trying to figure out how to socialize, trying to figure out how to budget money, trying to get out of debt. All these things produce anxiety and stress. It's no wonder you're in such a state of disarray, as anyone would be, and you were not raised with the skills you needed to become an independent adult, I mean I was not either (I came from an abusive home), but at your lowest point when you've hit rock bottom, you tell yourself what you want to do, and direct yourself towards it. 

The first hurdle is just getting a job, but don't be so hard on yourself. I mean even teenagers with no experience can get a job, because the workplace can train you while you are there. They just want you to be able to learn and do the job. 

It's just that during the interview, if you walk in depressed, anxious, desperate, and you look like you're going to have a mental break down, that's going to scare the interviewer. I mean every time I did that I never got hired. So even when I didn't have money left, I was going to lose my home, and my partner was going to break up with me, I walked into the interview smiling, positive, excited about the job, and willing to learn, because getting the job was that important to me, that I had to put aside all the negativity in my life, every depressing thing, in order to make it positive. 

And then with the money you earn, you will have to become aware of your spending habits, and try to put a system in place, like having a hobby that would make you happy and occupy your time (that does not involve spending much money) and that would help you accumulate wealth for housing, food, debt, and savings. I mean budgeting is so that you have an idea on what your money is going to be used for.

You were not raised with the skills to become an independent adult, and you've tried to be an independent adult on your own, but it's been a difficult process.

I mean you took steps for your health by going walking and cycling, but you drain and burn yourself out and have to retreat to rest, and then you have a hard time getting back out there, because you might be fearful of burning out again. What impresses me about you, is that you even managed to walk and go cycling. What I imagine might be more optimal for you would be lighter but consistant exercise. 

There's a thing about spending money and acquiring items that make people feel euphoric and happy, but it's temporary, so they keep getting more and more stuff. I think that when people are stressed out and feel unhappy, they try to look for other things to make them happy. So if that happiness comes from spending money as a way of coping with stress, that can leave someone in debt. I think that if socializing is difficult and it's hard to gain anything positive from it, then objects can become secondary sources for happiness. So you can find other ways of gaining happiness that does not come from spending too much money, like I'd borrow a book from the library and spend time reading, so that my time is already occupied and I don't spend that time on shopping.  

I mean a lot of things you have to do is not fun and does not produce happiness in the present moment, like trying to job hunt, trying to figure out how to socialize, trying to figure out how to budget money, trying to get out of debt. All these things produce anxiety and stress. It's no wonder you're in such a state of disarray, as anyone would be, and you were not raised with the skills you needed to become an independent adult, I mean I was not either (I came from an abusive home), but at your lowest point when you've hit rock bottom, you tell yourself what you want to do, and direct yourself towards it. 

The first hurdle is just getting a job, but don't be so hard on yourself. I mean even teenagers with no experience can get a job, because the workplace can train you while you are there. They just want you to be able to learn and do the job. 

It's just that during the interview, if you walk in depressed, anxious, desperate, and you look like you're going to have a mental break down, that's going to scare the interviewer. I mean every time I did that I never got hired. So even when I didn't have money left, I was going to lose my home, and my partner was going to break up with me, I walked into the interview smiling, positive, excited about the job, and willing to learn, because getting the job was that important to me, that I had to put aside all the negativity in my life, every depressing thing, in order to make it positive. 

And then with the money you earn, you will have to become aware of your spending habits, and try to put a system in place, like having a hobby that would make you happy and occupy your time (that does not involve spending much money) and that would help you accumulate wealth for housing, food, debt, and savings. I mean budgeting is so that you have an idea on what your money is going to be used for.