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Nobody asks me to hang out even after I have invited them out many times

Elaine Yu

I've been having this problem for the past few years. I had a friend who I asked to hang out with him 8 times and I asked him to return the favour, maybe just a few times but he wouldn't. The relationship I was in, I asked that guy repeatedly out for 8 months every week without fail. Yet, when I asked for the favour to be returned, it never happened. I ended up dumping him. Now, with a friend, I've had for 14 years, I thought if she'd set it in her calendar to ask me to hang out every second month then I'd get invites. But obviously, she didn't even do it. I feel like people are so selfish. I act normal, I don't have one-way conversations and I'm likeable (as told by my friends). But no one wants to put the effort into inviting me out. At this point, I feel like there's no point in going out. I get anxiety after a while if the people who I've asked don't return the favour. I'd rather protect my mental health.

  • in reply to Catlover

    I have reached out too many times to people and obviously they're not the type to reach out to ask me to go places. I'm at my wits end and would rather not ask anyone out anymore. 

  • I think neurotypical people make plans in a different way. This is what I have found. Often I think plans are confirmed but to them it's merely a loose suggestion. To me, "let's go out next sunday" means that's what we are doing. But to others it's just seen as an idea.

    Also with friendships, I've learned to let go of expectations. ("I went to hers last time so now it's her turn to come to me." "It's only ever me who calls her" examples). People have busy lives and sometimes things can be a bit one sided but if I get enough out of thr friendship then I'll let it go.

  • They might nit return the favour, because they didn’t realise they should. People are often spontaneous and do things as and when, scheduling in the same time every month or week doesn’t work for many. 
    I would try calling them up, and suggesting an activity you could do that weekend, for example. Maybe there’s a film you’d like to see, or somewhere you’d like to visit for the day? Ask, and see how they’re fixed. 
    Also, you need to make firm plans. Saying shall we meet, or would you like too, isn't going to work. Nothing concrete was planned. Do you get what I’m trying to say? Even thought I haven’t articulated it as I wanted too? lol