Hi,
I am not currently diagnosed with autism but I am on the pathway and highly believe I am autistic, mostly because of my struggles with the below. I am 23.
For as long as I can remember I have thrived on routine. Not a strict one but still a routine. I like the familiarity of seeing the same people each day, eating the same foods, watching the same tv shows at the same sorts of times. I even talk to the same (online) friend each day at the same time. When they are unable to do this I panic. Each week I talk to my mum about what we are going to do in the week ahead. This week she has changed the plans and invited new people along. This has made me anxious and like I can’t join in. But then I feel scared because I have to think of a new replacement plan, to replace the ruined one. She is frustrated with me for doing this and feels I should just join in and get over it. My friend, the one I talk to every day, has felt the same in the past but she is used to it. She helps me to plan stuff, like when we can and can’t talk. She is lovely and understanding.
I don’t like to do anything outside of my routine. I don’t have any real life friends. I find it hard to make friends. I like my routine.
I don’t have a job because the change scares me. I miss the familiarity of school and university, everything the same. I would like a job but I don’t know how to change. I feel lonely and would like a pet, I am sure pets like routine, but this means more change. It is all around scary.