Hi. I'm finding things hard at the moment and I'm struggling with pretty much everything. Life with Autism is hard anyway but since becoming an adult I'm finding it even harder now, it feels like it anyway.
I'm constantly stressed and worried but I can't seem to pin down the trigger. It's frustrating because I can't work out what's causing the upset. I can remember a lot of bad things that happened like my dad having heart problems, my sisters road accident that killed her. I can remember these crystal clear like they were yesterday.
I get dreams. Almost every night, makes me afraid to go to sleep. Usually it's one of two dreams, either seeing and hearing my sister die or I attack someone. Both are scary and seem so real at the time. I wake up suddenly, heart racing and I'm drenched in sweat.
My other problem is pain. I'm in pain a lot, I've been to hospital and had blood tests and scan but nothing showed. Pain is normally in my chest and stomach, sometimes my back, sides and groin area. I guess it's just anxiety. It's annoying and uncomfortably, knocks me down if it gets to bad.
I feel like I'm heading for burnout, if I'm not already in it.
I'm exhausted, mood up and down, and sometimes my thoughts stray in to colder and darker places.
I'm hoping being here might help me stabilise again.
Glitters.
