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Any other autistic adults have parents who refuse to accept their diagnosis?

Constanza

Hello to whoever reads this Slight smile

So, I was diagnosed not too long ago, in my late 30s. It wasn't a surprise at all, I've always been socially awkward, extremely anxious about so many things and found lots of aspects of daily life draining. 

I've also never had a supportive family, our relationships have been often strained. I was never allowed to forget that I didn't handle stressful situations in an acceptable way and I wasn't sociable enough. Basically, I was the misfit and I knew it. 

After my diagnosis I let the parents know and recommend a bit of reading to help them understand. I've had nothing, not even an acknowledgement, not a single word back from them. If I mention it in their presence they refuse to speak about it. If I'm having a day where I'm struggling they'll either ignore what I'm experiencing or make a dismissive remark. 

I'm lucky in that I have a husband, kids and life of my own. The parents problems with me don't enter my orbit every day. My husband is understanding, but we've got two kids who are both undergoing testing themselves, so sometimes home life can be tough. But we manage and it's just how life goes. As a family we have lots of ups and we muddle through the downs. 

The way my parents are with me though, it's like a constant cloud overhead. I can't escape it, and I've had many years of trying. I was wondering if anyone else has had a negative reaction from family members? How do you cope and have you managed to move past it?

Thanks everyone. 

  • I think a lot of people really don't know how to deal with it.  My experience is that family try to put a positive spin on things and say that a diagnosis makes no difference to who you are.  That's not true of course - getting diagnosed has made a difference for me, but I think sometimes people don't know whether to congratulate or commiserate post diagnosis.  It's like those who say "well, everyone is on the spectrum" - a phrase which absolutely infuriates me and generally receives the response it deserves.

  • I'm so glad your husband is understanding.

    As for your parents, there isn't much you can do, except leave it with them. It's a great pity that they don't want to accept and celebrate their daughter as she is, but hold on to the fact that it's their loss, not yours.

    As for why they are like that, phew, who knows? Some folks are scared of the label, some folks have been watching too much Rainman and don't understand it. Some parents might think either it's their fault, or you are blaming them some how. If your dad does believe in mental health problems, well sounds like some one who just does like to look at anything uncomfortable. He might also need educating about the fact that autism isn't a mental illness, well, if he were open to that.

  • in reply to Catlover

    Hi Catlover

    It's wonderful that your mum has learnt things about herself through your journey. 

    I've got cousins with autism too, there's quite a lot of it in the family. It seems to make them uncomfortable, but I suppose that's for them to deal with. 

    My dad in particular doesn't believe in mental health problems. He's often making comments about people needing to just get on with it. He's generally very judgemental. 

  • I would imagine they don’t know what Autism is, and therefore won’t believe it, I reckon they think they might be to blame, or should have noticed as well, even though you can’t see it. Either way, they don’t sound supportive, and it seems they haven’t been pre diagnosis.

    If it was me, I’d leave them to it. If they want to contact you or find out more, let them come to you. 
    I know I haven’t answered your question, but my mother was accepting. Especially since she’s found out through my journey, that she is Autistic too, just without a diagnosis. Fancy that, at 71!