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i am a partner of an autistic person- advice?

NAS81212

Hi all,

I've been with my partner for a few years and I suspect they are autistic. Its taken a while for me and them to learn/accept how they work and that process has been pretty bumpy for both of us. The main issue between us is they regularly get annoyed by (in my opinion) small insignificant things - obviously i understand that to an autistic person they are not small or insignificant. The problem is i am only human and I find it so draining to be around someone who is so stressy and annoyed by things so often, particularly when the negativitiy is usually aimed at me too and not just the thing that has annoyed them. i often just absorb it but it's really having a pretty bad longterm impact on my wellbeing now, im exhausted. 

Im aware that i sound not very understanding, i just really need some help and advice. we both dont want to break up. They feel bad for causing issues between us and i feel bad for not being strong enough to be understanding all the time and it leads to them feeling really down, and me being drained and we dont want that as there are plenty of great reasons why we are together too! we talk about everything so communication isnt an issue but we have no answers. the same problems just repeat again and again.

any similar stories from partners of autistic people? 

any advice from anyone hugely welcome! 

thanks xx

Parents

  • I would suggest finding out exactly what things trigger your partner, so you can both take steps to avoid them where possible. And of course, find a way for them to deal with it without involving you;  where possible…

    Meltdowns and shutdowns will occur from time to time, and the only way to lessen there occurrence is for your other half to keep stress and anxiety to a minimum.

    Living with someone with Autism (or ADHD) is very stressful and draining, as you are finding out for yourself. Don’t ever feel like it’s down to you to make all the adjustments, nor should you change to suit your partner. It takes two. Put yourself first, as if you can get the rest and downtime you need, you will have the strength to support your partner when they need it. Learning together is they key, but it’ll be a bumpy road.

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  • I would suggest finding out exactly what things trigger your partner, so you can both take steps to avoid them where possible. And of course, find a way for them to deal with it without involving you;  where possible…

    Meltdowns and shutdowns will occur from time to time, and the only way to lessen there occurrence is for your other half to keep stress and anxiety to a minimum.

    Living with someone with Autism (or ADHD) is very stressful and draining, as you are finding out for yourself. Don’t ever feel like it’s down to you to make all the adjustments, nor should you change to suit your partner. It takes two. Put yourself first, as if you can get the rest and downtime you need, you will have the strength to support your partner when they need it. Learning together is they key, but it’ll be a bumpy road.

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