Feeling like an imposter/doubting diagnosis

I remember writing something similar before my diagnosis. Bad news: I still feel like an imposter some days! But as I'm learning more about myself and autism this is getting less. 

Autism is measured on behaviours but just because you don't present with certain behaviours it doesn't mean your brain isn't wired as an autistic. For me it depends what environment I'm in. Eg I'm very articulate at work in presenting info but when I have to tell a friend about a problem or ask for help this is difficult. Or I can take part in a reciprocal conversation but I think there's different processing going on to a neurotypical.

A lot of people are not stereotypically autistic and I think these ideas are becoming more outdated. I post time and again on here to recommend yo samdy sam and aspergers from the inside on youtube. It's a spectrum and we have spiky profiles.

For the majority of the time presently, I am in the headspace of thinking that getting a diagnosis will be a vindication for me of what I notice and what I feel about myself. So if I get the diagnosis it will be interesting that once the initial vindication and relief passes how I will feel when I present to the world around me. 

I certainly can identify similar issues when it comes to talking to a friend about a problem or asking for help. I have a tendency to be very quick to help and I have empathy I can offer other people when they have problems and I offer advice and support but I'm hopeless when it comes to myself. I use to have thoughts that the only reason I existed on the planet was to help others in a crisis. What happens to me doesn't matter.

I am glad these ideas are becoming outdated. I'm glad I do have people who are saying to me when you have met one autistic person....you have only met one autistic person. The next one will have a different profile. 

A diagnosis has given me permission to be myself. I'm also learning a lot about myself and how much of a perfectionist I am, how I perceive myself and what goes on when I'm interacting with others and engaging with my own thoughts. And so now what I can do to make things a bit easier going forward.  Such as what I need to bother about and what doesn't matter. I've been holding myself to neurotypical standards,  even after my diagnosis but I'm not neurotypical. It's very much work in progress and probably will be for a long time. 

I'm trying to say this is how a diagnosis has helped me as someone who masks heavily and would be considered "high functioning"

I've been referred to my local Integrated Autism Service (IAS) that offer diagnostic assessments so I'm on their waiting list at the moment. This is what I fear could happen after diagnosis that I'm just left to it and I'll have to try and be proactive to make sense of it all. 

Depending on where you go for assessment there may be little to no support after the initial diagnosis. I was able to find someone to work through things and help make sense of everything. In some sense, a diagnosis is just the beginning!

Thank you for sharing your own experience it's very valuable for me. This is going to be quite the learning experience for myself but I have hope if nothing else that a diagnosis for me could also help me in similar ways. 

Thank you for sharing your own experience it's very valuable for me. This is going to be quite the learning experience for myself but I have hope if nothing else that a diagnosis for me could also help me in similar ways. 

I've been referred to my local Integrated Autism Service (IAS) that offer diagnostic assessments so I'm on their waiting list at the moment. This is what I fear could happen after diagnosis that I'm just left to it and I'll have to try and be proactive to make sense of it all. 

Depending on where you go for assessment there may be little to no support after the initial diagnosis. I was able to find someone to work through things and help make sense of everything. In some sense, a diagnosis is just the beginning!