First impressions and conversation

I met a new person yesterday. This person will be joining our team at work soon, so came to introduce themselves to everyone.

Its a funny thing really, because I immediately reverted back to my usual social stance of staying silent and trying to avoid conversation with everyone. There were a few moments where I was spoken to, so couldn’t avoid responding, but in these moments I could really clearly hear my inner narration as I tried to navigate conversation with/in front of someone if not met before. It’s moment like this that really clearly highlight some of my social difficulties, but it was interesting to really notice my ‘inner script’ so vividly again.

”Don’t say that- it might be funny to you but they don’t know you yet”

”Don’t make eye contact, they might talk to you”

”Formally introduce yourself- no wait, don’t. It’s too much. in fact, it’s been too long now so you can’t possibly introduce yourself”

”You’ve gone into too much detail- stop talking” 

“You’re being too abstract/vague, give more detail”

The list goes on…

I definitely don’t feel like I made a good first impression and keep reliving the bits of conversation I was involved in, but there isn’t much that can be done about it now.

Does anyone else find first impressions challenging?

Parents
  • i always surprise myself by being pretty much one or two words and sentences going nowhere, i tend to get depressed etc after those instances as reminds me how i can be and that ive not changed as much as i thought i had

    or am just talkative and dont have much problem talking to people aside from impulsivity and "dropping clangers"(was described as that to me once)

    at the times i just don't notice any internal dialogue, nor really have it i don't think, which to be honest is a major factor in suspecting im high functioning asd due to what i now know were "shutdowns" in the the past

    i tend to worry more afterwards than during in all honesty

  • The worrying afterwards is something I do too. I had the script playing during that day, which is exhausting- trying to follow a group conversation and listing to my own internal dialogue at the same time. But the worry afterwards takes as much out of me. Laying in bed that night was like replaying and watching a highlight reel of awkwardness!

  • I heard Alain de Boton once say that every hour of life ideally requires ten minutes of processing and analysing. For autistics, more than double it I reckon! No wonder we’re always exhausted and frazzled. 

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