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First impressions and conversation

Oakling

I met a new person yesterday. This person will be joining our team at work soon, so came to introduce themselves to everyone.

Its a funny thing really, because I immediately reverted back to my usual social stance of staying silent and trying to avoid conversation with everyone. There were a few moments where I was spoken to, so couldn’t avoid responding, but in these moments I could really clearly hear my inner narration as I tried to navigate conversation with/in front of someone if not met before. It’s moment like this that really clearly highlight some of my social difficulties, but it was interesting to really notice my ‘inner script’ so vividly again.

”Don’t say that- it might be funny to you but they don’t know you yet”

”Don’t make eye contact, they might talk to you”

”Formally introduce yourself- no wait, don’t. It’s too much. in fact, it’s been too long now so you can’t possibly introduce yourself”

”You’ve gone into too much detail- stop talking” 

“You’re being too abstract/vague, give more detail”

The list goes on…

I definitely don’t feel like I made a good first impression and keep reliving the bits of conversation I was involved in, but there isn’t much that can be done about it now.

Does anyone else find first impressions challenging?

Parents

  • i always surprise myself by being pretty much one or two words and sentences going nowhere, i tend to get depressed etc after those instances as reminds me how i can be and that ive not changed as much as i thought i had

    or am just talkative and dont have much problem talking to people aside from impulsivity and "dropping clangers"(was described as that to me once)

    at the times i just don't notice any internal dialogue, nor really have it i don't think, which to be honest is a major factor in suspecting im high functioning asd due to what i now know were "shutdowns" in the the past

    i tend to worry more afterwards than during in all honesty

  • in reply to deadsponge

    Oh god yes postmortems can be horrible, though I do often have a rising sense of panic as I waffle on in the moment too. On a tangential but relevant note, I had an experience tonight just as I was leaving work. The enquiry desk phone rang, and as it had been quiet all evening my brain wasnt switched on enough. The whole thing ended up a disaster as something was wrong on the line and I could hear my voice echoed back at me, which gave me the horrors as i had to come to terms again with that being what I actually sound like (horrific). But also, the guy who’d rung was a very nice elderly now-Canadian  (originally from here) wanting directions to the building, and theres nothing worse you could ask me when Im tired - my sense of which streets map to others etc Is atrocious even on a good day. So I mangled all that, and then messed up the rest of the conversation where he was telling me a big about his history, why he was back visiting, how ge hoped to use the library etc. And I couldnt string one coherent sentence together. I’m cringing thinking back on it. On another day, Id have been better, tonight - disaster. The shame. 

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  • in reply to deadsponge

    Oh god yes postmortems can be horrible, though I do often have a rising sense of panic as I waffle on in the moment too. On a tangential but relevant note, I had an experience tonight just as I was leaving work. The enquiry desk phone rang, and as it had been quiet all evening my brain wasnt switched on enough. The whole thing ended up a disaster as something was wrong on the line and I could hear my voice echoed back at me, which gave me the horrors as i had to come to terms again with that being what I actually sound like (horrific). But also, the guy who’d rung was a very nice elderly now-Canadian  (originally from here) wanting directions to the building, and theres nothing worse you could ask me when Im tired - my sense of which streets map to others etc Is atrocious even on a good day. So I mangled all that, and then messed up the rest of the conversation where he was telling me a big about his history, why he was back visiting, how ge hoped to use the library etc. And I couldnt string one coherent sentence together. I’m cringing thinking back on it. On another day, Id have been better, tonight - disaster. The shame. 

Children
  • in reply to Shardovan

    hearing your own voice on the line too, yeah, even without hating your own voice, the distraction of it makes it feel like when 2 people try to speak to me at once, or the "competing sounds" thimg happens and i get the "noiseball" in my head

    yeah, must've been a crap experience for you, at work too, but another day, another start 

  • in reply to Shardovan

    Similarly i was with some people in a restaurant. There was a lot going on externally around me and internally in my head. I had to summon everything within me to answer a simple question of "so what have you been up to?" I thought it came out jumbled up, with bad intonation and all the other stuff not quite right too. I asked my partner later if he noticed anything at the time and he said no. So I thought the person I was answering to probably didn't notice either. I think like I said before,  sometimes how we see things isn't how the other person sees it.

    Also I find elderly people like having a chat, he might have just been happy to have a chat with someone.  It wasn't a disaster! I'm sure he got the info he wanted in the end. Be kind to yourself.