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First impressions and conversation

Oakling

I met a new person yesterday. This person will be joining our team at work soon, so came to introduce themselves to everyone.

Its a funny thing really, because I immediately reverted back to my usual social stance of staying silent and trying to avoid conversation with everyone. There were a few moments where I was spoken to, so couldn’t avoid responding, but in these moments I could really clearly hear my inner narration as I tried to navigate conversation with/in front of someone if not met before. It’s moment like this that really clearly highlight some of my social difficulties, but it was interesting to really notice my ‘inner script’ so vividly again.

”Don’t say that- it might be funny to you but they don’t know you yet”

”Don’t make eye contact, they might talk to you”

”Formally introduce yourself- no wait, don’t. It’s too much. in fact, it’s been too long now so you can’t possibly introduce yourself”

”You’ve gone into too much detail- stop talking” 

“You’re being too abstract/vague, give more detail”

The list goes on…

I definitely don’t feel like I made a good first impression and keep reliving the bits of conversation I was involved in, but there isn’t much that can be done about it now.

Does anyone else find first impressions challenging?

Parents

  • I want to offer a different perspective. Maybe the new person was just as concerned if not more, about their own first impressions that yours went unnoticed. If they met quite a few people and they are new, it's a lot to take in in one go. 

  • in reply to Deleted User

    An interesting take. I’m so used to seeing my own view, because it’s my view I navigate the world with, that I’d not considered that. You’re probably right though. I very rarely judge others the way I judge myself, so perhaps they are the same and won’t spend a single thought on it all. Thanks out_of_step.

  • in reply to Oakling

    Everyone is used to seeing the world through their own view because thats all we have. It's hard but I think if everyone tried to get out of their own heads for a bit it'd do the world wonders! I know what anxiety is like over these sorts of situations though and it can be all encompassing.  Another take could be well so what if he thought you were a bit weird? Does it really matter? You're colleagues not best friends. We often encounter all sorts of people in the workplace. I am the opposite, I often judge people the way I judge myself. Which is far too harshly. I wonder as autistic people if we do have a bit of a skewed view sometimes of how other people see us. For me it is because i cant read the situation in the moment. And quite often default to negative.

    A lot of the time things don't matter half as much as we think they do.

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  • in reply to Oakling

    Everyone is used to seeing the world through their own view because thats all we have. It's hard but I think if everyone tried to get out of their own heads for a bit it'd do the world wonders! I know what anxiety is like over these sorts of situations though and it can be all encompassing.  Another take could be well so what if he thought you were a bit weird? Does it really matter? You're colleagues not best friends. We often encounter all sorts of people in the workplace. I am the opposite, I often judge people the way I judge myself. Which is far too harshly. I wonder as autistic people if we do have a bit of a skewed view sometimes of how other people see us. For me it is because i cant read the situation in the moment. And quite often default to negative.

    A lot of the time things don't matter half as much as we think they do.

Children