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from another planet

NAS78944

need to vent try to explain hoping someone will understand.  i feel so alone i feel like a freak i dont get people the world around me is wrong, nothing fits right.  i dont go out anywhere coz its to overwheling i only walk in the woods on my own when its a quiet time.  i walk and walk with my music on my headphones and its like im always searching waiting for something and without sounding crazy i just want a ufo to come down and take me home,  ive never felt at home and i wish i could be with people who are like me who i can be myself with.

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  • I'm sorry that you're feeling so alone, but I can definitely relate to so much of that. Even just today, and invisibly to colleagues, I have been through the wringer with anxiety, feeling disconnected from how other people think (and yet way less casually and unconsciously non-empathic than they are), trying not to spiral into anxious ruminatioin on several fronts... and all while everyone else seems to just take the churn of everything so lightly and effortlessly. And seeminlgly wanting to be  an active part of it. Meanwhile, part of me desperately wants the world to stop. Let me get my bearings. Work out where intuition is correct, and where paranoia has taken over. All the while knowing that I have no real hope of doing so. So I will retreat to the solitude of my home now, listen to a podcast, eat something, hopefully lapse into sleep to stop the ruminating for a while. And then try to step back on the merry-go-round again tomorrow. I feel almost absurd typing that at a desk where I have had a very static few hours doing relatively routine and only mildly challenging tasks - anyone else if I explained the inner roller coaster I've been on on the inside to them would be shaking their head in disbelief that I can get so disregulated via such minor triggers (many of them just small observances, exchanges, or a private thought that suddenly hits home). Yes, today's been a bad one. Tomorrow might be better or worse. I have no particular hope of the former. 

    Anyway, that probably doesn't help much apart from saying 'I understand'. In a sense you are with those people you talk about - we're all a little alien on here!

  • in reply to Shardovan

    I feel that I'm the Earthling; and everyone else is from the Planet Derp.

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