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Depression and lack of belonging - neurotypical relationship insights

NAS80769

Hi all,

I am recently realising I am autistic (age 30), over the last few years many mental health professionals have told me I have autism, and I am beginning to understand it. Currently self-diagnosed and contemplating formal diagnosis but not sure if I see the value at this stage, so sticking with my own research and evaluations.

Either way I have always felt a huge lack of belonging, I don't fit in and I often feel depressed and alone. I am struggling with this at the moment.

I miss a lot of social cues, I often misunderstand what people mean, and I come across as quite blunt and rude, as well as feeling misunderstood myself a lot of the time - this isn't helpful with my neurotypical partner, which is the main cause of my struggle at the moment.

My partner is generally great, loving, caring and very understanding, but at my low times and at times where I have been misunderstood/or I have misunderstood, this is where I hit a wall and communication becomes difficult during this time.

Wondering if anyone can share any insights in this space that I can learn from.

Thanks!

  • in reply to Mearcstapa

    Thank you for your reply! that is helpful advise to talk about communication styles, and maybe that'll help with the misunderstandings.

  • Have you talked about your research into autism and where you see it fitting with you? Perhaps if your partner were to understand more about how autism relates to you, they may not feel so threatened by the miscommunication or misunderstandings.

    I was once given some general relationship advice which is to talk about talking. Like, to talk about how you communicate with each other and what communication styles each of you find useful. I’ve found this helpful after a misunderstanding, as often either my partner or I haven’t understood the reasons why something meant so much to the other person, so it was good to talk about how each other felt when different things were said, even just unintentional throw-away comments as well as more serious things.