Published on 12, July, 2020
I react quite badly to any form of change, shock or surprise.An email about a direct debit rise for example can send me into a tailspin. Even something tiny, such as an assistant unexpectedly removing and keeping a coat hanger from an item of clothing at the checkout can cause stress and anxiety
I had other examples in mind, but am still reacting to something that happened recently so I can't think properly right now.
It's not that I can't be impulsive, because I can. But anything that blindsides me can send me into a small or a major meltdown
My ways of coping are to sleep, or if that isn't possible, play a game on my phone or watch a favourite TV show wearing my comfy clothes. But I'm looking for ways of managing my reactions to changes, rather than just coping after I've had the reaction.
When it comes to things like household bill changes and the like, I'm kind of the opposite: I don't worry enough - I can't make myself absorb the information off the letter - doing so feels somehow like an Herculean task - and it gets stuck in a drawer for 'later' or binned.
But many other changes can very much startle me, and even tip my world on its axis quite drastically in ways many others wouldn't understand. For instance, at the start of this year, a new post got created in my dept. at work, and a whole domino effect started where every few weeks between now and then there would be a dread about who might be coming in, catastrophising in advance, then waiting for personnel to confirm who got each post, then prpearing for the change in team dynamic as each arrival occurred. All nice people by the way (the ones that thankfully got the four posts in question) but the constant state of uncertainty and each new change starting a whole new wave of worry has been an unceasing constant for six months - thankfully reaching its conclusion this week.
Unannounced callers can sometimes really throw me as well. In other circumstances, with some knowledge a day or two ahead, I wouldn't be so rattled so would be more comfortably leaned into (if not as relaxed as an NT would be) the conversation. My social anxiety can be pretty bad, but I work at it.
I think it must be a 'spoons' thing - there's what we thought we were rationing our energy reserves for for the day, and then there's the unexpected, which sometimes throws the whole thing into disarray and a surprising amouny ot exhaustion after the fact.
Update: thought all the workplace change was over but I tempted fate by saying that here. Just heard there will likely be more, in about a year. So I'll be worrying from now to then about who's coming in. Brilliant. The catastrophising is just getting started....