Difficulty going out

hello, yeah, bloody hell, had a confused agitated and overwhelmed meltidown earlier on as it goes

idiot me had the stupid idea to go to a very busy packed, gentrified, noisy, crowded, well, ill stop there, place

and yeah, wasnt good, only calmed down once i got away from there and went to a quietish (london still) place i like and sat under a tree for a bit.

so yeah, far as i can remember ive always had trouble with it, would shutdown in pubs when younger, so developed a drink problem to "cope" with it and attempt normalcy.

pretty much whenever i went out with people id have meltdowns, well, i have mental health problems too so is always hard to know whats what, so yeah, not the most popular of people lol

underground trains i have trouble with.

waiting areas, especially if facing others.

am not diagnosrd though, but am in referral stage.

so far ive not found anything that truly helps, am much worse when alone though for some reason, although thats all the time nowadays,

but, i dunno, have to push through it when you can, and when too much, get away asap i suppose.

loneliness stopped bothering me as much as before after 40, n

loneliness stopped bothering me as much as before after 40, n