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Partner is suffering depression and autism and it's becoming alot

Clueless

I feel clueless

I apologize now for how long winded this is and some of it might not seem like it belongs in this forum but i could really use the help and understanding. 

I have been with my partner for over 8 years now and I have always known that he struggled a little with anxiety and depression and even though he is on medication recently things have gone in a downward spiral.

A month or so back he got really bad, intrusive negative thoughts about himself and what others thought of him, being very withdrawn both physically and verbally, thoughts of death and possibly acting on it. I am usually well versed in how to help him with his depression and such but this was new for me, I have never seen him like that. I was so worried and panicked that my own mental health began to suffer a little. He wouldn't talk to anyone or seek help, he would t talk to his parents and let them know he was struggling and he told me not to tell anyone as well but I explained that we needed help that I couldn't do this on my own. 

He eventually agreed to see our local mental health crisis team and they saw him every day for a almost 3 weeks, he was out on some medication to help him sleep but also something he could take when ever he felt high anxiety which he could take ontop of his usually anti depressants. He also got to see there on call phycologist, who was very nice and strongly believes that along with depression and anxiety that he has high functioning autism as well.

Which now that I think back and reflect on some of our history does make science. We are currently waiting for his GP to officially assess him for autism and a diagnosis but we have been waiting for nearly 4 weeks now. 

This is new ground for him and for me and I'm currently at a loss of what I can do to help. I have done my own reading and research and applied some of this to the way I handle things and talk with him ect and some of it does help a little bit there are days where it's almost like his back to the very bottom. 

I feel clueless and helpless.

He does have a phone call with a new therapist/counsellor next week who deals with talking therapy and also CBT and the likes. I'm hoping he will be ok till that call and that this call will help us get onto the right track.

I just don't know what to do anymore.

Parents

  • I tried conventional treatment for the depression, but the SSRI's made my darkness worse and somehow more real.

    If he has Autism and he gets a diagnosis the depression may end, or as in my case, change into something else entirely..

    Autism is bloody annoying, but less so after diagnosis and if you've managed 8 years of undiagnosed Autism with your partner, the good news is that it WILL get better. Apparently my relationship is improving from her side.

    The NHS process usually takes an eternity but if he is in the system already it might be quicker. Aspergertestsite did my initial one, and it turned out to be accurate.

    Careful with that medication, I have deep suspicions that one day they ill only let certain types of people take SSRI's when they work it all out a bit better. And it is drugs after all, just like the cannabis I use to self medicate, and the single dose combination of "research chemicals" with which I accidentally blew away my own tendancy to suicidal ideation a few years back. 

    The best results I've had seem to have been through getting older and working stuff out, plus taking a lot of my life advice from Jesus Christ rather than the T.V.. 

    That last few words blows it for many people ,which is a bit sad, but credit where credit is due. That "book of stories" has been very helpful to me over the years, the guy had his head screwed on. the important thing is "knowing your place". That's roved quite "grounding". Anyway I hope there is something there that useful, or good to know. I do tell the universal type of truth, as far as I can recognise it, myself. 

  • in reply to I Sperg

    I was quite dismissive of religion but as I’ve got older and had more experience of life I now envy people with a firm faith. I’ve seen how much comfort it gives people, and how it gives meaning to their lives even in the darkest times. My mother-in-law died recently and I saw how peaceful her death was because she had her faith, and she completely believed that she would be reunited with her husband and son who had died many years ago. 

Reply
  • in reply to I Sperg

    I was quite dismissive of religion but as I’ve got older and had more experience of life I now envy people with a firm faith. I’ve seen how much comfort it gives people, and how it gives meaning to their lives even in the darkest times. My mother-in-law died recently and I saw how peaceful her death was because she had her faith, and she completely believed that she would be reunited with her husband and son who had died many years ago. 

Children
  • in reply to Kate Kestrel

    I'm not really into religions, though open minded and learned about them through life.  With a church of england primary school background, you had take part in the yearly church rituals, but I didn't develop and feeling that i needed to keep doing that, or have faith in god when i needed it.

    I've realised that for me, having faith in myself is more beneficial, I think conforming can mean people lose individuality and perhaps dependent on god or others to solve things.  Also, christianity (and perhaps other religions) has maligned disabled people in the past which still lingers today..

    The comfort of rituals and concepts related to death go way back, ancient and still practiced - so still providing what people need at that time, even if it has changed or is more varied.  

    For me, hill tops and mountains are amazing places to sit, and just look down and across the landscape, you feel connected and part of bigger thing than your normal tunnel vision daily view. 

  • in reply to Kate Kestrel

    I don't so much have faith, or belief, as have applied the original test of asking for guidance. Repeatedly.

    "Ask and ye shall receive" apparently is true. I have receieved more than my fair share, yet still I'm not entirely with the program. 

    NOW, in the wild and wacky (and often unbelievable, these days) world of "science" they are now telling us there may be as many as twelve different dimensions to reality only 4 of which we have easy access to or can understand. That leaves plenty of room for an afterlife, or a mechanism by which your "Soul" could continue after death, or unwittingly extend into during your actual lifetime! Maybe you go into these places when you dream and that's why it's so hard to translate some of those dreams into sense when you wake up?

    The point being, if there is a god, and you have an immortal soul that extends like my avatar into a vast space that we cannot see into, and I've just used science (lite) to provide an actual mechanism that makes that possible, then even dying (with uncontrollable explosive diarrhoea after years of a hideous painful disease after seeing your family eaten by big wasps and everything you've ever touched being a failure) is just a microscopic blink compared to an immortal existence. Life may be the most gentle sharpening and preparing process for eternity that is possible, provided with love by a totally merciful god, in that context, but how the heck would we be able to know?

    Simples, although god must by definition be very complex and difficult to understand from our point of view, god must know that! It follows that if God put us here as most religious texts seem to indicate to interact with, he would also try and give us the means of interacting with him, and it would have to be completely voluntary for us.  And it is! 

    Now, I'm totally unconvinced that my particular religion, "Christianity lite", is the best of all ways to commune with and celebrate the source of our creation, but on a practical level it does seem to work well in day to day life, and my prayers for guidance seem to have been answered, so I ended up with "faith" as a side effect...