It all came too late for me

I was diagnosed with ASC at 59. I had what I now recognise was a panic attack in my first A-level exam. It lasted about 10 minutes or so, then I started writing at top speed. I did go to university, there is a streak of stoicism in my family that stood me in good stead, if you say you are going to do something, then you just do it. I had problems, in the first couple of weeks I could hardly eat in the hall refectory due to nervousness, and anxiety in the build up to exams was a recurring problem. However, I coped, I functioned sub-optimally, but I functioned. For the first and only time in my life I had a group of friends numbering around half a dozen - all through my school days I tended to have only a couple of friends at any one time. I got a degree, not quite as good as I deserved, I was an undiagnosed autistic after all, and had recurring headache problems, due to sinus issues, that affected my ability to study. Ironically, I now recognise that my autism inhibited my ability to report my physical health problems to the university and thereby receive some leniency in assessment and marking.

I eventually got a job in a university in scientific research and went on to get further degrees - incidentally, research degrees, masters and doctorates, are much easier for autistics than undergraduate degrees. All the time I coped, largely because I expected myself to cope and did not see not coping as an option. It did come at a cost, I could not understand why things seemed to be so much easier for other people than they were for me, why I was limited in some ways, and why I was often exhausted. The first time I ever had any interaction with a medical professional for anything other than a physical problem was in my autism assessment.

I was diagnosed with ASC at 59. I had what I now recognise was a panic attack in my first A-level exam. It lasted about 10 minutes or so, then I started writing at top speed. I did go to university, there is a streak of stoicism in my family that stood me in good stead, if you say you are going to do something, then you just do it. I had problems, in the first couple of weeks I could hardly eat in the hall refectory due to nervousness, and anxiety in the build up to exams was a recurring problem. However, I coped, I functioned sub-optimally, but I functioned. For the first and only time in my life I had a group of friends numbering around half a dozen - all through my school days I tended to have only a couple of friends at any one time. I got a degree, not quite as good as I deserved, I was an undiagnosed autistic after all, and had recurring headache problems, due to sinus issues, that affected my ability to study. Ironically, I now recognise that my autism inhibited my ability to report my physical health problems to the university and thereby receive some leniency in assessment and marking.

I eventually got a job in a university in scientific research and went on to get further degrees - incidentally, research degrees, masters and doctorates, are much easier for autistics than undergraduate degrees. All the time I coped, largely because I expected myself to cope and did not see not coping as an option. It did come at a cost, I could not understand why things seemed to be so much easier for other people than they were for me, why I was limited in some ways, and why I was often exhausted. The first time I ever had any interaction with a medical professional for anything other than a physical problem was in my autism assessment.

You write : 

’ It did come at a cost, I could not understand why things seemed to be so much easier for other people than they were for me, why I was limited in some ways, and why I was often exhausted.’

That’s it in a nutshell really. Undiagnosed, feeling like everything is a struggle, feeling confused and so very tired most of the time. That’s been my life basically.