It all came too late for me

I think there'll be a fair few in the same boat and it's certainly affected several members of my own family.  There was no help in the 70s and we suffered a lot because of this.  Well, no help unless you count being prescribed valium in capsules large enough to fell a bear or, if the situation worsened, hospitalisation, although with next to no knowledge about autism, it's likely that this would have been under other diagnoses (possibly when someone became so distressed that anxiety and depression excalated to crisis point and they then seemed to the criteria for a number of other psychiatric diagnoses).  So I have the feeling that, without the core diagnosis and autism-friendly care, hospitalisation probably wouldn't have helped many either.    

I find it all quite tragic and a number of my family members who were affected are no longer with us.  I can only say that, for them at least, keeping away from services as they were was the most helpful thing that could have happened, even though life remained far from perfect. Also that their lives were far from worthless - they were lovely, caring, gentle people, in fact - and, although opportunities were lost, there were still some good times, especially in the longer run and into old age.  

I'm afraid I can't be more positive about it all.  It may be that I was traumatised as a result of the things that happened within our family.  But I really want to emphasise that it's not your fault and it in no way reflects on you or your worth.  It's really hard, I know, to look back and reflect and realise that, if we'd been born a few decades later, things might have looked very different.  But still, I'm all for taking small pleasures where we can and feeling relieved that things are improving, however gradually.  It's still not enough and my sons, now in their later 20s, still believe that it's all too little, too late.  In spite of that, and the significant problems we still face, I remain determined to do and enjoy what we can in whatever time we have.  I feel a bit "Frankl" about it, in that his book "Man's search for meaning" refers to a kind of "tragic optimism", but for now this is where we are.              

Jenny I love what you’ve written here. I think we have to live with a certain amount of regret and grief but also to do our best to move forward with all the optimism we can muster. I haven’t heard of the book you mention here - it looks amazing and I’m going to get a copy. Thanks again x 

Jenny I love what you’ve written here. I think we have to live with a certain amount of regret and grief but also to do our best to move forward with all the optimism we can muster. I haven’t heard of the book you mention here - it looks amazing and I’m going to get a copy. Thanks again x 

* I must warn that some of it is harrowing. *

However, in making a case for tragic optimism, I think he come nearer to the truth of our existence and so I find it more of a comfort than, say, some of the more recent positive psychology books.  Also, I found this particular book to be unputdownable.