Published on 12, July, 2020
My wife complains that I don't listen to her until things get so bad that she shouts and/or cries.
I know I can listen, and listen well. I used to be a listening volunteer for the Samaritans, and had no issues listening then. As far as I can tell, the difference is that at Samaritans, I'd put myself in "listening mode" before picking up the phone. We always let it ring a few times before picking up, and we'd use that time to prepare ourselves.
It seems that if I don't consciously get myself ready to listen, I don't really listen, which causes problems.
I've only recently realised that I'm autistic. I've seen advice about helping autistic people do things, but they all seem to revolve around writing down instructions and putting them where they'll be seen at the relevant time. But I can't know in advance when I'll need to properly listen, so that doesn't seem very helpful.
Does anyone have any advice or ideas?
I understand this. I do struggle with listening some time, it's a bit like my brain freezes and won't record what it hears. Can be annoying when I'm being told something important. This happens when I listen to music some time also where I don't really hear it.
Could your wife tell you that what she's about to say is important so you are prepared and can switch on. I try to get my parents to do this with me.
We can try. It tends to be things that she's upset about, so I'm not sure she'll be in a position to do so.