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Post adult diagnosis

NAS80248

Hey

Just a quick background. Got a bad neck injury at work in 2020 and with the isolation and lockdowns I started to really think that I may be autistic (I always had some inkling and often said I was probably so to others when quizzed about my contrarian outlook to things and got a couple beratings for insensitive comments saying so too) so I obsessively researched to find something to disprove my thoughts and couldn't find a reason... . Fast forward to Feb of this year and low and behold after a year of doubting myself (my friends and family basically mocked me for thinking so) I was officially diagnosed... I was initially very happy to finally put some understanding to my issues.

Now in June everyone bar my mom has deserted me. My brother barely has time for himself so I can't be annoyed at him (although he definitely has become more distant).. And the few friends I thought I had have also disappeared and slowly stopped responding to my texts. This is so upsetting, it's like it was all for nothing.. Like what the f***, why am I now a complete pariah when some support is needed the most. 10 years I've known these 4 people... 

Anyone here had any similar experiences or advice for me please :(

Parents

  • Hey NAS80248.

    I'm really sorry to hear what you've been through with friends and family over what you rightly found to be a very helpful and positive diagnosis. We've been on a similar path in one way - my suspicions over years reached a tipping point last year where I just had to know. I was assessed in Jan 2022 and, like you got confirmation that I am autistic in Feb. Mostly, I felt huge relief. 

    I've been seemingly luckier on the friends and family front. Nobody's vanished off the scene (I have just a couple of friends anyway, and we're all 'odd' in our own ways) after I disclosed things, and I'm very grateful for that. I wonder are your friends who stopped texting neurotypical and less capable of empathy regarding your diagnosis. I know it seems crazy that they wouldn't just be happy for you, and let it relax in them (as it has in you) any confusion they *may* have experienced about your manner, world view, etc.? Maybe it's unfair to think that way- I musn't start getting too 'us and them' in my thinking. Especially on someone else's behalf. 

    Anyway, I hope that in the fullness of time what feels like desertion turns out to have been a (needlessly) awkward period of adjustment, and that your circle will once again be around you and supportive in due course. In the meantime, congratulations on getting the much-needed insight/confirmation you sought. I'm sorry to hear you were mocked and doubted by anyone, as imposter syndrome (seemingly an inevitable phase post-diagnosis) can be bad enough when you're having a less challenging day without others deeming you insufficiently autistic by some skewed definition they've absorbed from media etc. Just remember (as I have to remind myself) that you wouldn't have sought a diagnosis process if you hadn't been suffering. And while that doesn't go away, understanding helps a lot. We're coping, invisibly, in a world not yet designed for us. 

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  • Hey NAS80248.

    I'm really sorry to hear what you've been through with friends and family over what you rightly found to be a very helpful and positive diagnosis. We've been on a similar path in one way - my suspicions over years reached a tipping point last year where I just had to know. I was assessed in Jan 2022 and, like you got confirmation that I am autistic in Feb. Mostly, I felt huge relief. 

    I've been seemingly luckier on the friends and family front. Nobody's vanished off the scene (I have just a couple of friends anyway, and we're all 'odd' in our own ways) after I disclosed things, and I'm very grateful for that. I wonder are your friends who stopped texting neurotypical and less capable of empathy regarding your diagnosis. I know it seems crazy that they wouldn't just be happy for you, and let it relax in them (as it has in you) any confusion they *may* have experienced about your manner, world view, etc.? Maybe it's unfair to think that way- I musn't start getting too 'us and them' in my thinking. Especially on someone else's behalf. 

    Anyway, I hope that in the fullness of time what feels like desertion turns out to have been a (needlessly) awkward period of adjustment, and that your circle will once again be around you and supportive in due course. In the meantime, congratulations on getting the much-needed insight/confirmation you sought. I'm sorry to hear you were mocked and doubted by anyone, as imposter syndrome (seemingly an inevitable phase post-diagnosis) can be bad enough when you're having a less challenging day without others deeming you insufficiently autistic by some skewed definition they've absorbed from media etc. Just remember (as I have to remind myself) that you wouldn't have sought a diagnosis process if you hadn't been suffering. And while that doesn't go away, understanding helps a lot. We're coping, invisibly, in a world not yet designed for us. 

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