Struggling with waiting for assessment

Hi, I can relate to this and just wanted to share my experience and let you know that you are not alone: I also recently realised that I am autistic and I am in the process of assessment at the moment. It was actually suggested to me by my dietitian that I could be autistic and when I started researching autism, I could relate a lot and it made so much sense. Other medical professionals and the autism advice service in my area have since confirmed that they agree that I could be autistic and that I should be assessed. I also realised that almost all my friends are neurodivergent (I hadn't known this before I mentioned the possibility of being autistic to them) and a few of them admitted that they had already suspected I am autistic too. However, I've also been struggling with impostor syndrome and I am worried too about confirmation bias, especially as I am so desperate to understanding why I am different and about finding my tribe. 

What helped me a lot is to talk to people on this forum. 

I also thought that I really just needed to 'know for sure' and I was anxious about the long wait for a diagnosis. I therefore actually had a detailed preliminary assessment with an expert this week, who after 2h30 also said that she thinks I am autistic- with her letter I should be able to get a diagnosis soon. 

This is when it hit me though- would I really stop questioning 'being autistic'/ my diagnosis when I got the professional diagnosis? I question things all the time- I come up with all kinds of hypotheses. After the assessment I found myself thinking things like "What if she got it wrong?", "What if subconciously I was answering questions in a way that made her think I am autistic (as I am desperate to fit in"? "What if I am just looking for all the autistic traits and ignoring the neurotypical ones (confirmation bias)?" Why did noone notice sooner that I am autistic (I am 25 now)? I realised that even after a formal assessment I would probably still have those questions running through my mind and I would probably still wonder if there could have been a mistake etc. etc. So if like me you question things a lot, it might be good to think about whether the formal assessment will really give you that "certainty" you need? (just so that you are prepared for how you might feel afterwards). 

I am becoming more and more confident though in identifying as autistic- It fits. I think with time the questioning of things might abate- getting the final diagnosis soon should help too but I think such an important part of it is understanding and accepting yourself more. Talking to other autistic people has been an amazing experience. 

It's quite funny actually, but I think this whole questioning everything, overanalysing situations, looking for as many hypotheses as you can, impostor syndrome etc are actually quite autistic ways of thinking. 

Its very nice that you joined this forum!! When I joined I also wasn't sure whether it was appropriate as I wasn't sure if I was autistic. but please don't worry, we welcome everyone on here and this is such a supportive community !! I hope you get the inner certainty/stability you need. Best, 

Ann 

Hi Ann, so interesting  reading your reply. I could have wrote so much of what you put myself. It's funny what you mentioned about your friends... I've recently made a couple of contacts that are the closest I've had to friends in nearly 30 years, I've actually been wondering if they were on the spectrum, as they seem to share a lot of my traits, socially awkward, hyper focussed, anxious. 

I too have done all the questioning, over analysing and doubting myself concerning whether I am making my behavior fit autism, just because I am so desperate to figure out why I have found life so hard and felt so different to everyone else. 

Anyway, just wanted to say thanks for sharing your thoughts, also made me feel better to know there are at least 2 other people currently going through what I'm going through. If also like to ask if it's ok to add you as a friend, I think it would be really helpful for us all to keep in contact as we go through our assessment. 

Hi Ann, so interesting  reading your reply. I could have wrote so much of what you put myself. It's funny what you mentioned about your friends... I've recently made a couple of contacts that are the closest I've had to friends in nearly 30 years, I've actually been wondering if they were on the spectrum, as they seem to share a lot of my traits, socially awkward, hyper focussed, anxious. 

I too have done all the questioning, over analysing and doubting myself concerning whether I am making my behavior fit autism, just because I am so desperate to figure out why I have found life so hard and felt so different to everyone else. 

Anyway, just wanted to say thanks for sharing your thoughts, also made me feel better to know there are at least 2 other people currently going through what I'm going through. If also like to ask if it's ok to add you as a friend, I think it would be really helpful for us all to keep in contact as we go through our assessment. 

Hi, Of course you can add me as a friend :). I sent you a request.