For those diagnosed, what level are you?

Whatever level it is when a person is was always very employable, but could never get any i'm on that level.

You are not alone, in my case with the added fillip that I'm also when I'm employed always the lowest paid person. Always.

The only way to win, is not to play.

Exactly.  The game (THEIR game!) is rigged!  So sometimes we need to invent our own or at least frame things very differently inside our own minds because much of this is about cultural/societal norms rather than any deficit lurking within ourselves.   

Yes, given my longstanding interest in self help and psychology, the only mystery is why I didn't come to it much sooner.  Most of the material for my degree was already in my head before I even started it!

I guess I was heavily invested in "playing the game".  And counselling certainly wouldn't have put in a strong position to pay the mortgage.  But these days (and thanks to a couple of redundancy packages as well as a frugal lifestyle) those concerns have fallen away.

It's a bit disconcerting, I think.  Previously people paid me a lot of money to go away.  But now I manage on much lower amounts which somehow feel more valuable because  I'm being sought out and chosen. And I'm playing my strengths, not my Joker.  

Your experience, as you relate it mirrors my own, to a slightly disturbing degree J.B.

I've been noticing that for a while.

Jenny do you stiill/currently work as a counsellor? That's wonderful that you found such a great fit for your strengths and sensitivities. 

Yes, I am certainly sensitive.  But this has quite often been used as a criticism of me when really, like many qualities with both good and bad sides, it can also be a huge positive. 

My sensitivity did hinder me in a corporate environment and in striking up "friendships" with people who perhaps didn't want to get into meaningful discussions but just wanted someone to go to the pub with and get drunk (my experience in my teens, 20s and 30s).  That much is true.  I had difficulty finding friends who actually wanted those kinds of discussions too.   But once I reinvented myself as a counsellor, my sensitivity became a huge advantage, and I imagine it would in many caring professions too.  Likewise in many other roles and relationships because I find sensitivity can be linked to perceptiveness and a certain kind of intelligence and creativity.  Not knowing that I was autistic hindered me from really finding my niche, understanding my strengths (some of which, yes, probably would be considered to be deficits in certain situations) and working outwards from there.

What bothers me, though, is that, human nature being what it is, EVERYBODY will have some kind of deficit or other, some blind spots which hinder them, some weaknesses that they never manage to overcome.  But ours have found their way into that very big compendium of disorders, the DSM, and there's no reference to our strengths.  The diagnostic process took it out of me too, with a kind of hyperfocus on the things that are "wrong" with me.  Not a positive experience.    

Yes, in a workplace in which I find myself unable to deliver good performances, on time, reliably (I'm thinking of my accountancy years, from which I still bear the psychological scars) others will no doubt see that my "deficits" are brought out in sharp relief.  But here and now, working from home, at my own pace and with my immense sensitivity as more of a selling point, I bet they'd struggle to see them.  The "deficits" also retreat in line with my recovery from traumas incurred earlier in life so to that extent they're not inherent.  

I'm probably disabled, yes, but I'm not sure whether this isn't more to do with the environment rather than any impairment.  It's a difficult area though, and one I reflect on quite a bit.  I still have a lot to learn.     

I am sorry to say, but although there is much to castigate the normies for, (and I look forwards to the day of uprising) I've confirmed to my own satisfaction that I am in fact, carrying several deficits which weaken my ability to deliver good performances, on time, reliably.

I'm still sorting out which are actual facets of my neurodiversity, (and likely to be unchangeable), and which are artifacts of my brutal, harsh & extremely unpleasant upbringing, which since that is no longer a factor in my life is allowing me to root out the more neurotic behaviours daily now that I can identify and focus on them, which in turn is making me incrementally happier about my life..

Something a senior person said to me a whilr back, makes sense.

"Autism, that's what we used to call sensitive..."

I am sorry to say, but although there is much to castigate the normies for, (and I look forwards to the day of uprising) I've confirmed to my own satisfaction that I am in fact, carrying several deficits which weaken my ability to deliver good performances, on time, reliably.

I'm still sorting out which are actual facets of my neurodiversity, (and likely to be unchangeable), and which are artifacts of my brutal, harsh & extremely unpleasant upbringing, which since that is no longer a factor in my life is allowing me to root out the more neurotic behaviours daily now that I can identify and focus on them, which in turn is making me incrementally happier about my life..

Something a senior person said to me a whilr back, makes sense.

"Autism, that's what we used to call sensitive..."

Yes, given my longstanding interest in self help and psychology, the only mystery is why I didn't come to it much sooner.  Most of the material for my degree was already in my head before I even started it!

I guess I was heavily invested in "playing the game".  And counselling certainly wouldn't have put in a strong position to pay the mortgage.  But these days (and thanks to a couple of redundancy packages as well as a frugal lifestyle) those concerns have fallen away.

It's a bit disconcerting, I think.  Previously people paid me a lot of money to go away.  But now I manage on much lower amounts which somehow feel more valuable because  I'm being sought out and chosen. And I'm playing my strengths, not my Joker.  

Your experience, as you relate it mirrors my own, to a slightly disturbing degree J.B.

I've been noticing that for a while.

Jenny do you stiill/currently work as a counsellor? That's wonderful that you found such a great fit for your strengths and sensitivities. 

Yes, I am certainly sensitive.  But this has quite often been used as a criticism of me when really, like many qualities with both good and bad sides, it can also be a huge positive. 

My sensitivity did hinder me in a corporate environment and in striking up "friendships" with people who perhaps didn't want to get into meaningful discussions but just wanted someone to go to the pub with and get drunk (my experience in my teens, 20s and 30s).  That much is true.  I had difficulty finding friends who actually wanted those kinds of discussions too.   But once I reinvented myself as a counsellor, my sensitivity became a huge advantage, and I imagine it would in many caring professions too.  Likewise in many other roles and relationships because I find sensitivity can be linked to perceptiveness and a certain kind of intelligence and creativity.  Not knowing that I was autistic hindered me from really finding my niche, understanding my strengths (some of which, yes, probably would be considered to be deficits in certain situations) and working outwards from there.

What bothers me, though, is that, human nature being what it is, EVERYBODY will have some kind of deficit or other, some blind spots which hinder them, some weaknesses that they never manage to overcome.  But ours have found their way into that very big compendium of disorders, the DSM, and there's no reference to our strengths.  The diagnostic process took it out of me too, with a kind of hyperfocus on the things that are "wrong" with me.  Not a positive experience.    

Yes, in a workplace in which I find myself unable to deliver good performances, on time, reliably (I'm thinking of my accountancy years, from which I still bear the psychological scars) others will no doubt see that my "deficits" are brought out in sharp relief.  But here and now, working from home, at my own pace and with my immense sensitivity as more of a selling point, I bet they'd struggle to see them.  The "deficits" also retreat in line with my recovery from traumas incurred earlier in life so to that extent they're not inherent.  

I'm probably disabled, yes, but I'm not sure whether this isn't more to do with the environment rather than any impairment.  It's a difficult area though, and one I reflect on quite a bit.  I still have a lot to learn.