I have finally accepted my condition

I just want to look after my disabled mother. I tend her garden and she sends me to the shops when she needs things. She doesn't like strangers. Her carer bathes her in the morning and I look after her during the day. I'm perfectly capable of doing that. I annoy her sometimes, but she is my only family. She wants me to find a woman and have children. She is terrified about going into a home. Her mind is fine. We look after each other. 

When I say I'm 'mentally ill', I don't mean I'm some kind of psycho. I just mean I might have adult autism. It's not like my neice and nephew who are visably autistic. I'm just disturbed by loud noises. Other than that, I function quiet normally, but not in a workplace. I'm ok at first, but they start to detect it.

I married my girlfriend but I don't know what year. I think it was 2005. We got married in the Dominican Rebublic on an all-inclusive. We had to elope as she was Muslim so we couldn't have a regular wedding. She left me when I was at university. She asked me what day we got married and I couldn't remember. I actually don't know. She asked what month and year and I couldn't answer. 

Ever since then, I avoid relationships with women. If a woman shows interest, I back out. It's for the best. 

I think I got memory loss from when a man tried to kill me when I was 14. He stamped on my head when I was unconscious over 20 times occurring to witnesses.

In my last job before this one, my supervisor pulled me aside and said I had a secert admirer. I asked if it was a cleaner or regular staff. She said it wasn't a cleaner. Eventually she told me. I can't have a girlfriend due to my condition, so that became awkward whenever I saw her. I walked past her desk and she said, "Why are you always running away when I try to talk to you?".

Same thing with the Portuguese woman I worked with. "People say we look good together. We should go out". I like her, but only as friends. I really liked helping her as I knew she was going through hard times. She couldn't open the draw in her room without the draw falling out. It was driving her crazy. She started texting me and asking if I can buy her a new draw. I showed her drawers I found on eBay and she kept saying it wasn't big enough or the wrong colour. Eventually, she agreed on a drawer I found, so I took a dolly and walked to her area with it. I picked up the drawer and paid for it and carried it to her room. "Why are you wearing that same top again?". She was angry with me. Always angry.

She was pissed off that I might scratch her new drawer as I took it up to her flat. She cuddled me and asked me to stay for pizza. I said no and took the dolly back the whole 6 miles. She always wanted sex, but I can't drag a woman into my problem. She always mentioned sex.

Her hospital appoints were screwed up and she had a pain in her ear that was driving her crazy. I went to hospital with her on a Saturday and asked them why her appointments where not being seen. It turned out that she had registered herself under different names. The same name, but she has about 4 names that can be interchanged in different orders. I fixed it and she got her appointments. We sat in A&E for 6 hours and she got the treatment she needed. She always cried when she was in trouble. She knew I would respond. I was in the staff room and she was crying about something and wanted help. There is a mirror there and I saw her smirking alwhile crying. I was being used,

After the A&E visit., she asked me to meet her the next day and go to Hyde Park. She said there will be a lot of walking but it will be fun. I said ok. We went to Mcds and got lunch and wet to the park. I said to her that we should cut through the park and see the deers. She said she wanted to walk around the park on the footpath. Turnbs out her guy walks his dog there on Sundays, so she wanted him to catch us together to make him jealous. He wasn't there. I bought her lunch and she posed and asked me to take photos of her. I didn't and she said she wanted to go home. Then she started texting me, asking me to send her the photos I took. She wanted to send the photos to him to make him jealous.

So if I don't want to have sex with her, why did I replace her drawer? She was in a very bad situation. It became my business because I worked with her on the same floor everyday. I wanted her to be happy at work and in general. She was depressed as a guy that worked for a blue chip company was using her for sex and didn't contact her unless he wanted to use her.

None of my business but if anyone comes to me for help, they'll get help. I get used alot. If a cleaner is scheduled to shampoo a carpet, they'll somethime come and find me and as me to do it. They know I can't say no. They say I'm better at it and they can't use the machine properly.

At my current job, I do twice the work in the morning usually. They say they are low on staff, but I do twice the work.

She said to me at my other job, "I need new glasses and 'this and that'. I need you". 

She asked me to take her out for a drink and I said yes. She told her guy that she was going out for a drink with me and he responded by asked her oout for a drink instead. She was using me to get a response from him. 

So she came into work and told me she went out for a drink with him and all they talked about all night was me. I asked why as we are just friends. She said to him that I was good to her and he was asking where I lived and other personal things, He kept asking her if I slept with her. After thst, I stopped being so kind. I didn't ignore her. I just treated her like any other colle\ge and she beczme upseyt and ignored me for months. I'd say good moring or bye and she ignored me. She asked me to take her to the airport when she was visiting home. I did. She asked me to take her to CAB to fix her work problems. I did. I thought I was being a good friend. 

I asked her once if she wanted to go and see a film in the cinema and she said "No! I'm not your g/f!!"

I just did my job and was polite with everyone. I took a bin out and she was there smoking. She smokes 20 a day. She called me to speak to her. "Can you help me out with something in the laundry room?" I said "Yes, what do you need help with?". She didn't answerand finished her cigarette. We went to the laundry rooom and all of her Portuguese frineds where there watching us. She started folding towels and said, "What? Why are you standing there looking at me? Can I help you with something?.

I knew straight away that she was playing a game to entertain her friends. What I don't understand is that I did so much for her as a friend and she did that to me. I couldn't believe how low she was. 

I didn't want anything in return for helping her, but just a thank you would have been nice. 

I got on with my job and she ingored me for months. "The reason why I'm not talking to you is becasue I like you, but you do whatever you want. I don't like your behavour. If I didn't care, I wouldn't ignore you. You can't just do what you want".

So we met up one Saturday and got sushi at Waitrose. She took me back to her flat to eat the sushi and said, "If I like a guy and think he's good looking, we can kiss and have sex, but he has to make the first move". 

Seriously? She wouldn't even go to see a film with me. She was after my money and knew I was vunerable. I couldn't anyway as I knew she was sexually active with strangers. She was only in the country for 8 months and said men only want her for her body and not a relationship. She listed 7 men that she slept with in the short time she was here. So gross.

It made me nauseous. She said she was getting abnormal discharges and I advised her to go to the sexual health clinic as it's free. During that incident at her flat, I told her I was going home. After I poo pooed her advance I trying to kiss her on the cheek as per usual, but she turned her head away.

She said he can't have kids as he had cancer, so he was sleeping with her without protection.

I don't know what is wrong with me, but I want to know. I just want to be evaluated.

I suffer from memory loss and everyday is like GroundHog Day.

Everyday is the same.

From reading this, what would you say I'm suffering from?

What is WFH?

WFH is a godsend for me.