Speaking on the phone, medical & health appointment

Unknown said:

I'd much prefer to speak in person or type answers to questions

pretty much like most of us

I stopped making any phonecalls, or answering to any, instead I keep emailing saying that I can't talk on a phone because of speech reciognition difficulties, and keep emailing until matter is resolved

I much prefer email too. I really don’t like talking in person or on the phone. 
I have a phone appointment with my Doctor’s surgery this week and I’m dreading it. 

As you say - writing things down before the call is a good idea - but like you when it actually comes to it I get very stressed and often can’t focus on the things I’ve written down whilst I’m talking - so I still forget to mention things! 

Can you have someone you trust with you while you have the phone call - would that help? 

Thanks kate. Yes this is what I'm thinking for one of them, but the other I don't think will be possible to have someone with me. I'll just try my best. At least I'm aware of it now whereas in the past I'd come away from the appointment and feel frustrated with myself or remember bits I should've said when they asked.

The other difficulty I have is when the other person goes too fast. I've had this problem recently with mental health appointments and I've come off the phone and cried thinking Wtf has just happened. I just try and keep up with them and mask instead of asking them to slow down...it doesn't occur to me and I think it's cos I've masked so much through life I don't realise when I need something. I also find it really irritating when the line is bad like I can't concentrate cos of the poor reception.

Thanks kate. Yes this is what I'm thinking for one of them, but the other I don't think will be possible to have someone with me. I'll just try my best. At least I'm aware of it now whereas in the past I'd come away from the appointment and feel frustrated with myself or remember bits I should've said when they asked.

The other difficulty I have is when the other person goes too fast. I've had this problem recently with mental health appointments and I've come off the phone and cried thinking Wtf has just happened. I just try and keep up with them and mask instead of asking them to slow down...it doesn't occur to me and I think it's cos I've masked so much through life I don't realise when I need something. I also find it really irritating when the line is bad like I can't concentrate cos of the poor reception.

Why do you feel guilty about it? I dont know your reasons for being veggie, but you are probably doing more and are more conscious of things than a lot of other people. I heard someone say on Gardeners World once in relation to encouraging wildlife that "anything is better than nothing, however small" and I think this is a good thing to apply to other areas not just gardening.

I think we are meant to eat meat just not the amount of farmed meat that we do in this modern age but it's how we have evolved due to inventing farming methods. I was watching Ancient Britain on iplayer...it seemed ancient people who were hunter gatherers had an intrinsic relationship with nature and were part of it. I think people were thankful to the animal for providing for them and nothing would be wasted. 

Have a Guinness and lots of leafy green veg!

Also you said we struggle with things which other people find easy. I think this could also be applied in reverse but can't think of any exsmples.

Sent u a pm

Yes - just as you say - ‘a need for certainty’. I have such a huge problem in that way. I worry and worry and worry about the uncertainties - and I end up with no peace of mind. I’ve had a terrible few months with this being particularly bad recently. You talk about ‘worrying if the interaction went well’ - I do this a lot. 
I know it’s good to be positive about autism but sometimes I get so exhausted with all the problems it brings with it. The most ordinary things feel almost impossible for me sometimes, and there’s so little help.

Thank you for your kind and supportive words - I massively appreciate it. It’s so easy to just feel terrible about yourself when you struggle so much with things that other people seem to cope with so easily. It’s done me so much good to come on here and realise I’m not alone.

By the way I’m vegetarian too - and I got very low on iron. I was very ill last year so am temporarily eating some meat as my iron levels got so low and I couldn’t tolerate the iron pills the doctor gave me. I don’t like eating meat though so will stop eating meat when my health is better. The only meat I can face eating is bacon - but I feel so guilty about it. 

Yes my partner is very understanding too. He intuitively picks up my slack in social situations. I think what you say relates to a need for certainty....we need to know we have been understood correctly or that the interaction went well.  I would say don't be hard on yourself,  saying about handling things uselessly or being a failure. That's not being fair or kind to yourself.  I think you are probably doing your absolute best in the moment. There's a lot to process. There's a lot going on behind the scenes when we are interacting with others.

It's little things like, on two separate appointments, the doctor asked me if my eating was ok / how my diet was. I didn't think to mention that I'd become vegetarian, because to me that's healthy eating and its not like any foods were making me sick etc. So yes i was eating ok and my diet was good. If they'd asked if I had recently changed my diet or were there any foods I didn't eat that'd be more specific and I wouldn't have to second guess. It took till about the third appointment before I realised I should probably mention it. I had low iron and b12 which can happen when you don't eat meat.

I really relate to that! My mind just races when I’m on a phone call like that - and then afterwards I just feel it’s been like a runaway train that I lost control of! I find it hard to focus in the moment, forget most of the things I meant to say etc, and then up feeling regretful afterwards that I handled it so uselessly. And then I go over and over in my mind about it, feel like a failure and then end up needing loads of reassurance from my husband. He’s so patient with the fact that I need to repeatedly ask for reassurance after things like this, I feel really guilty about the amount of times I have to ask for reassurance from him. He’s incredibly patient about that and I feel I’m very very lucky to have him, and that he is so understanding.